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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DH facebook friends

25 replies

Quillstar · 28/06/2016 07:30

Do you think it is normal to not know most of DH's Facebook friends? Do you ever check out who the women you don't know are?

OP posts:

Report

TanteRose · 28/06/2016 07:37

I'm not even friends with DH on FB - no idea who he is friends with. Well, I have some idea, loads of specialist music people I have no interest in.

He has no idea who I'm friends with.

Works for us

Quillstar · 28/06/2016 07:39

I should add I'm not the jealous type at all but there are maybe forty or fifty women I don't know. Is that unusual?

OP posts:

Aussiebean · 28/06/2016 07:39

Mine uses his to maintain work contacts.

Have no idea who most of them are and don't go looking.

FeckinCrutches · 28/06/2016 07:40

I've never looked at his friends list, we probably have about 60 mutual friends but I've never looked at the others.

FeckinCrutches · 28/06/2016 07:40

You do sound a bit jealous if you're wondering about them

icelollycraving · 28/06/2016 07:42

It depends. If he has sixty friends & the majority are women who you've never heard of,that is odd. If he has 400 friends of a mix & there are 50 you don't know,not so bad.
The thing is,why have you looked through,are you worried about his friendships with women generally? FB can be a funny old thing.

QforCucumber · 28/06/2016 07:43

I've just had a look, dp and I have about 35 mutal friends.
The rest of his friends, men and women I don't know, or I know who they are but not enough to say hi or speak to etc. I'd say he doesn't know over half of mine either

FeckinCrutches · 28/06/2016 07:47

I've just had a look, about another 150 on there, split pretty evenly between men and women. I'm assuming people from work/travelling from 10 years ago.

Quillstar · 28/06/2016 07:53

I would say he knows mine or it's obvious how they are connected e.g. through work places. I'm just wondering if you expect to know the majority of each other's friends.

OP posts:

Aussiebean · 28/06/2016 07:56

Nope. Many of them are probably people he went to school with or uni or used to work with. Or a distant cousin who lived on the other side of the world and he has only meet once.
That's a lot of the people on my list that my dh doesn't know.

EdithSimcox · 28/06/2016 08:17

Depends on what type of FB you have ie. Including friends of friends, people you met once at a party 5 years ago etc,or actual friends. If my DP had one friend I didn't know I'd be suspicious because I know it's only RL people, and only important ones at that. But I have loads more including one or two who I barely know in RL at all, so much less significant.

TheNaze73 · 28/06/2016 08:24

No, let it go OP. Why is it bothering you? Wouldn't occur to me to even look.

Might do now, if im the only one not doing this

Oysterbabe · 28/06/2016 08:25

It had literally never occurred to me to check or care. I have no doubt he has plenty of women on there I don't know.

Joysmum · 28/06/2016 08:42

Yes, because he doesn't know mine. We live seperate lives re friendships and hobbies and time together is just family/us time.

TheMorningAfterTheNightBefore · 28/06/2016 08:45

My exh had loads more fb friends than me. Lots of women too. Some of them were young and beautiful, but I wasn't worried. My husband was overweight, balding, arrogant and had poor oral/dental hygiene...

They were women he went to university with, women he worked with, women he knew through his hobbies. But I don't think there was anything untoward going on. He just wasn't like that.

When he did eventually meet someone else he fell in love with and began a relationship with (technically an affair, but I can't really see it like that for many reasons), she was not a fb friend of his.

I would expect to have at least met all close real life friends, but not other friends and certainly not fb friends.

Patterkiller · 28/06/2016 08:48

DH has loads of friends both men and women who I don't know, some I would say through cycling due to lots of fit ladies in Lycra. But I really don't know how he knows the majority of his friends on FB. In the same way he doesn't know mine. No biggy.

gamerchick · 28/06/2016 08:52

I'm just wondering if you expect to know the majority of each other's friends

No I don't.

Quillstar · 28/06/2016 08:56

Sounds a catch TheMorningAftertheNightBefore!

OP posts:

HermioneJeanGranger · 28/06/2016 09:02

I don't think it's anything to be concerned about.

I have loads of guys on my Facebook - most of them are ex-colleagues or people I went to school/university with. A couple are ex's but I've either not spoken to them since we split up or we split up so long ago it's irrelevant.

TheMorningAfterTheNightBefore · 28/06/2016 09:06

Haha, just read that back and realised how bad it sounds! That was him at the end, not the beginning.

Lucky escape, I say.

Still, he's the one having the last laugh and the one who wants the divorce through so he can remarry, whilst I'm the one who is single...

But hey, I wouldn't put too much stock into who he is fb friends with Seriously, it's easy to get overly concerned with stuff. Just ask him who they are if you're curious (as a way of getting to know him and his life better, not as a way of checking up on him).

I did end a short acquaintance with a man after checking his 'likes' though...

hellsbellsmelons · 28/06/2016 09:25

Wow that was a shock for me.
My OH only used to have about 5 friends.
He now has 51.
And I know most of them and a lot are work or his hobby contacts.
He most certainly does not have 50 women that I don't know.

I think it's odd and wouldn't be too happy if my OH had 50 women friends I don't know.
But I would just ask him about them if he did.

TheMorningAfterTheNightBefore · 28/06/2016 09:35

Oh unless of course they are all 'glamour' shots of much younger women and he only interacts with them and has few male friends.

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FeckinCrutches · 28/06/2016 09:35

Why is it odd? There are at least 50 women on my husbands. I'm assuming school/uni/travelling/old jobs. He was 30 before he met me so knew masses of people before he even met me.

Janey369 · 28/06/2016 13:50

My Dh and I met through a shared hobby so we have a lot of mutual friends on FB. He also has a lot of friends relating to another of his hobbies, mostly men as its a very male orientated hobby
However there were a handful of female friends I couldn't work out how he knew them, no shared likes, no mutual friends, different countries etc
Turns out he met them in chat rooms and was using FB messenger for sexting and exchange of naked pictures
Trust your gut OP

PsychedelicSheep · 28/06/2016 14:06

My boyfriend is younger than me (so has grown up more with social media), plus he is in a line of work where he meets loads of similar people all the time. He has around 750 'friends' on fb!

I couldn't give a monkeys what gender they are, about a 50/50 mix I would imagine!

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