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How to get out of a bad friendship without ghosting?

(7 Posts)
PartyFants Mon 27-Jun-16 16:42:58

Hi, I'm in an awkward situation. My child is friends with this woman's child, she's not my type at all but let me know one day that her partner was abusive towards her, police involved everything, she leaned on me and I allowed it as she was incredibly brave and strong to kick him out and mean it. It was a tough time, he left, she got through it and we saw each other several times a week. She didn't have other friends here, hadn't been allowed on social media as he was controlling, so I knew she needed somebody.

Meanwhile our kids got closer and are now best friends used to going round to each other's houses 2 or 3 times a week. It's like it's expected now for me to have the child over at least once or twice a week as the mum us always offering to have mine. But this is getting very, very old now. Not only can my other kids hardly ever have people over as I end up with a house full of kids, but this child is a very fussy eater, doesn't play just wants to be on video games, and usually ends up in another room separate from my kids

(so as not to drip feed, my child and their friend are both hf autistic so it's not quite as easy as just telling them to eat it or starve, or to do something else) also the child has no other friends over ever, if the child doesn't come to my house they are literally at home on the PC from morning til night. Eats meals there and everything, until 11pm at night. So I feel sorry for them, feel guilty if I don't extend an invitation twice a week.

The child swears regularly (ffs etc) often plays 18 games at home, and the mum lets the child watch horror movies. I have told her that my child is not allowed to watch or play anything 12 and over (they are 8!) she also smokes around them inside the house all the time.

Getting back to the mum she chainsmokes around the kids all the time, she doesn't care about other people (unwrapped a package of curtains in the Argos "showroom" to see the size, decided she didn't want them and chucked them and the plastic wrapping in a heap in the floor where you would queue up to pay - I was horrified and ended up folding them up and putting them in a shelf, who does that???)

And now the latest thing, racist comments, pictures of "bring back the golliwog" on Facebook. She's just so not for me! I don't like her and I've had enough, but here's the thing, our kids are best friends. I pass her house every day on the school run, she waits for me outside.

How do I get rid without huge awkwardness or ghosting her? I basically can't as I see her every day and the kids have a relationship. Help.

hollyisalovelyname Mon 27-Jun-16 16:53:48

What's ghosting?

Arfarfanarf Mon 27-Jun-16 16:56:54

You cant.
Sorry.
The pain free solution doesnt exist.
I mean, you could move a hundred miles away but other than that there is no way to achieve what you want and have her smilingly wish you well with it.
Sadly youre going to have to decide what you want and need more - your life back and to not have to deal with a person who sounds quite awful - or a trouble free time of it with no mouth off her or awkwardness or her being horrible to you
Sorry.

PartyFants Mon 27-Jun-16 18:13:26

Ghosting is when you basically fade out if the friendship/relationship. You're too busy and then you don't pick up the phone etc, you disappear.

It's a bit shitty but god this friendship is shittier. She is my opposite.

Lilacpink40 Mon 27-Jun-16 18:24:41

Start by not inviting her child over. Just say it's not convenient if she asks, that should start moving things in the right direction. After a week or two you can then explain that you have other priorities, such as allowing your other DCs more time and attention. Don't let her have your DC over.

She may then move towards making new friends as she'll see you're not as available. I would be honest after a couple of weeks if she hasn't started to turn her attention elsewhere. I wouldn't mention Argos or personal things, I'd go back to priorities and say you and your DCs need to be around other people. Try not to be uneccessarily brutal as it doesn't sound like she is trying to be hard work and her DC can't change the way he is.

hollyisalovelyname Mon 27-Jun-16 20:37:07

Thanks OP. I hope it works out for you.

PartyFants Mon 27-Jun-16 22:09:31

I hate confrontation so I doubt I'd be brutal, if I get the guts up to speak to her about it at all. What Imightdo is say I need to focus on my other kids for a while as they've been left out, and maybe ask her if she's planning on establishing any other friendships for her child. hmm It's too much pressure on us to just have one friend, with no other options. It's not as my DC can have other friends over, when this one is here all the time.

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