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Not unhappy just not satisfied

(3 Posts)
coolkatie Mon 27-Jun-16 00:22:16

I've been with DH for 20 years, married for 10. We have a DS aged 16 with autism /ld and I have a DD aged 24 who lives with us. Having left 2 abusive and violent relationships previously, both of which involved the police/courts, I was happy to be in a relationship with someone who I thought was my soulmate. After 7 years I found out he had been having an affair. It lasted over a year and although I found out about it almost straight away it took me a year to get the evidence to confront him with.
Nevertheless I forgave him and I married him. Partly to keep our family together, particularly because I thought I would struggle with bringing up our disabled son on my own, and partly because I thought he would change. Which he did, and I have no evidence that he had been unfaithful since. And partly because I loved him!
However I now feel unloved and alone. He never initiates physical intimacy or says anything loving. We rarely have sex and although he moans that we don't do it often enough, when we do, it is me who initiates it. I find it humiliating that I approach him for sex so I have stopped bothering. I have really made an effort to compliment him but this is never reciprocated. I have recently lost a lot of weight (size 18 to size 12) but rarely get any comments about it. He was made redundant in February and had no work for 3 months; I took on full time work to try to get some income in and although he did look after DS for that time he did little else - we made a list of jobs that he could do round the house during this time and he didn't do any of them. His excuse was always that he was looking for work but when he got a job it was one that I found through my own contacts, and it was the only one that he applied for. I feel resentful about this as now I have to do the jobs (e.g. painting the outside of the house) myself at weekends.
The problem is that generally we get on. We rarely have rows and we rub along together well. I'm not dissatisfied with my life. I just feel alone and that I should have more than this. Am I being uneasonable? Somehow I think I should be happy that we get on fine given the stresses of caring for a disabled child, but often I wish I had someone who showed me more love and attention.
Advice please!!!!

pallasathena Tue 28-Jun-16 07:48:55

Sounds as if you've 'settled', for a life of compromise and understandably, you're totally dissatisfied. My advice would be to stop looking for fulfilment in your relationship with your husband and try to find it elsewhere.

adora1 Tue 28-Jun-16 13:30:08

Sorry but from what you describe there's nothing there that amounts to a good and happy relationship, you are settling and putting up with crap because you think you should, you shouldn't, you should find a man that loves you and doesn't cheat and treat you with distain, and show your children a good happy healthy relationship with respect and kindness.

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