I've namechanged as I've had the same name for a while and just don't want exP to recognise this if by any chance he recognises any other posts. But I am a longstanding MNer.
I'm newly single aged 46 and after a long relationship. I didn't think I was interested in sex at all because as the relationship deteriorated (communication probs, dishonesty and PA behaviour from him) I went right off it. But having ended it and preparing to have our own places, I realise I am interested - not really in a relationship or living with a man ever again but maybe, eventually, in dating or casual flings.
But I've never ever done OLD though I've head plenty about the horrors.
What I want to know is - can you dip your toe in the water and have a look, just to see what it's like / the men are like - without having to put up a profile of your own? One problem for me is that I'm kind of known in a certain field - I'm not famous but I do have a public profile and image to maintain (in my field). I don't like the idea of just putting my details on a site until I'm really sure. So is it possible to kind of "lurk" on OLD sites without actually offering up your own details until you're ready? How does the whole thing work?
Also I have no idea which OLD sites would suit me. Professional, highly educated, creative job, I'd be looking for interesting, sciency or creative tall, hot, Hugh-Laurie-a-like men. Not asking much am I? :o
If anyone can give me a run-down of how to just have a look / lurk that would be great!
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Relationships
Talk to me about online dating. The basics!
ZansForCans · 25/06/2016 19:17
You can def. search pof without creating a profile.
Re. attached men; even off the 'married dating'(!) sites, just be aware that men presenting themselves as single may not be. I think I saw an article with a conservative estimate of 30% 
.
If you use no photo or a photo of something other than yourself, you will not be contacted much/at all & you'll have to do the contacting .. ppl will naturally ask for photos quite quickly and you can usually send them by some form of messaging.
As walk has said, you could just use an image that is not clear.
Re. meeting someone - ask them for as many images as possible to get a real grasp of their looks/demeanour.
Meet up relatively quickly so as not to build something way up for wks/months and then realise there is 'nada' when you meet in real life.
Check out safety recommendations for meeting up if/when you do (public place, person you text/phone during or after to say safe etc.) until you get to know them well.
There is a good vid on youtube re. online dating by the rather sweet Bernardo Mendes (though more aimed at relationship seeking than casual I think), here it is;
I used to be on Plenty of Fish and after a while Oasis. You do need thick skin to some degree, there's some rather unpleasant people out there. Over the course of about a year and a half, I met up with four of the guys that I started chatting to. I went to the same place each time, somewhere I knew and only after we'd been chatting for a couple of weeks and checked out their facebook profile. I always told someone where I was going and when. It was always day time too.
After meeting up with one guy, I found out he was racist. That didn't come across in messages! Another guy was still sleeping with his ex. The third guy was actually a politician. He was very open and honest in his OLD profile. Don't be ashamed of using OLD, even if you are a public figure of sorts. Sometimes it is the only way to meet people, it was for me. I saw one guy on one site that was a local newsreader.
You don't have to use your actual name remember.
I also made a couple of friends out of the guys I chatted to, which really, was all I was expecting.
You'll know if someone seems a bit off or dodgy, and if you're not sure then just don't meet up with them. Also, you can block people on the OLD if they're bothering you in anyway. I can't remember but you can probably report them too.
Good luck with it.
If you're wondering about the fourth guy, I married him 
I used to do OLD back in the day. One of my favourite pics I used for my profile had me drinking a coconut which obscured most of my face. I still got loads of interest. I met some decent guys, some weirdos, and eventually now-DH 
But you can easily find hook-ups all the way up to LTRs. Women can really take their pic. Enjoy!
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