Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I want another baby

(8 Posts)
GoldenOrb Sat 25-Jun-16 13:01:36

Sorry in advance that this will be a pointless, self-absorbed post.

I just need to "say" this somewhere.

I want another baby.

I had PND after our youngest, and partly as a result of that my marriage has broken down and I am now splitting up from my husband. I feel like I have missed out on my youngest's first years, and that they have missed such a lot too having a mum who has been anxious, sad and distracted. I don't feel any of those things now, I feel fully recovered from the PND and I feel like a different and much stronger person since going through it.

I just have this desire for another baby so I can "do it right". I know that is not a good enough reason to have a baby, and I'm in no position to even think about it now. It doesn't help that I always thought I would have another (I was told by a psychic that I would, and yes I am aware how ridiculous that sounds!), and now that the separation is finally happening it feels as though that likelihood is being taken away. But it doesn't stop the want, and I don't know if I will get over this feeling.

RedLarvaYellowLarva Sat 25-Jun-16 18:35:48

Did you feel you 'did it right' with your other DC?

expatinscotland Sat 25-Jun-16 18:38:19

Are you getting any counselling? If so, please bring this up.

Yindeenumnum Sat 25-Jun-16 18:56:19

Is your marriage really over OP. ? Can it be salvaged now the PND has subsided.. Having children in itself puts such a ridiculous strain on a marriage, I cannot imagine what PND in the mix adds to that strain. I completely understand your sadness. It's a kind of grief for what 'should have been' and the end of dreams. No one gets married and has children expecting such sadness. I am guessing you have both tried all possible options to solve your differences ?

GoldenOrb Sat 25-Jun-16 19:10:52

redlarva yes, with my first dc in particular I felt I did it right. It was probably the happiest time of my whole life. But with my youngest it all went wrong and I suppose perhaps because it was more recent the overwhelming memory I am left with is that of having messed it up and wanting to try again so I can do it better. Of course thay doesn't mean I have given up on my youngest, I am working really hard to be a good mum. But I just wish I could do it all again and somehow get it right this time.

expat yes I am having counselling but this hasn't been discussed yet.

yin I don't think I can salvage the relationship. And I say that because it is my wish to end the relationship and not his, he wants to stay together. The pnd was a horrendous time and we drifted apart rather than pull together. I was mostly unsupported by him, and I got out of it by myself, sadly by shutting him out and not expecting his help because he didn't offer or give it. I don't feel that I can ever truly trust him again, and the resentment that has built up over the years I can't break through either. I feel because of the pnd I am a different person now. Before I was looking for someone to look after me and rescue me. Having been through this I realised I can do that for myself. I don't feel I could ever allow myself to be vulnerable again with someone who I feel really let me down. Of course it's not all one sided and I have failed him too. But we're in the position where it is me whose feelings need to change in order to piece the relationship back together, and I can't do it. I don't love him. I haven't loved him for years and it hasn't changed in that time. That's why we are splitting, because I can't see a future in a relationship with a man I no longer love.

Isetan Sat 25-Jun-16 23:24:32

Another child and another opportunity to 'get it right', won't and can't change the past and deep down I think you know that. I've never suffered from depression but I have had experiences that I wish were different but forgiving myself is accepting my past so I don't stay stuck in it.

I'm glad you're in counselling but given that this subject hasn't come up yet, suggests that you're not far enough into the process of working through stuff. The aftermath of your pnd and the breakdown of your marriage are probably not the only things that need to be worked on.

The origins of 'getting it right' probably pre dates your pnd, so give yourself time.

SandyY2K Sat 25-Jun-16 23:40:18

So as you don't want your marriage you need to find another man to have a baby with then right?

Your reasons for having a baby aren't right and you should really think twice about it. What if you have PND again? Have you thought about that?

HeddaGarbled Sun 26-Jun-16 00:29:16

You need to bring this up with your counsellor asap because you need some help with this. You want a nice new shiny baby to start again with a clean sheet. This is unhealthy for you, the new baby and the "tarnished" baby.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now