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throwing a banana skin over 'disrespect'?

(11 Posts)
sixinabed Fri 24-Jun-16 20:16:26

Dp was up all night as he was a counting official, so he slept all day while I took the dc out today. He also has very debilitatingly severe arthritis in his knee (this is relevant to the following).

This evening I was sat with a dc on my knee, another beside me - both talking to me. I'd just asked dp to take a banana skin to the kitchen as he was up, and he asked me to pass him a plate to take as well. I didn't register the plate request - heard it but it just didn't get through to me iykwim. So dp threw the banana skin at me, which hit dc face, and justified this saying that he wasn't going to stand around with his bad knee waiting for a plate so I could take the banana skin myself. Dc was crying, I said polite version of wtf, and dp said I was being 'disrespectful' by not hearing him (he believed I did it on purpose but I didn't)

Is it normal to not register something at the time but a moment or so after to realise that you heard it but didn't register it? It happens to me fairly frequently.

Dc1 who was not sitting with me said 'you don't like dad' sad which worries me. Because he hates us arguing and probably feels like it's his fault.

I don't know if I'm being petty - or if I should not accept this type of thing from dp to show dc that it's unacceptable (but that seems to upset them) or just ignore things like this to avoid upsetting dc (but then they think it's ok to throw banana skins at people and tell them they're disrespectful for not hearing you.

I think he acted like a twat - am I right?

hearthwitch Fri 24-Jun-16 20:47:50

Yes your right. It's possible to miss what someone said but there is no bloody excuse for throwing anything at you.

hearthwitch Fri 24-Jun-16 20:49:58

Also my sister has chronic arthritis in both knees and is in constant pain and still manages not to be an eejit

Scarydinosaurs Fri 24-Jun-16 20:51:57

He threw the banana skin and it hit your son?

In anger?

WTF??

I would 100% not stand for that. I'm not a knee jerk reaction kind of person, but if he wasn't even apologetic...

Northernparent68 Fri 24-Jun-16 20:51:57

I do nt think either of you emerge with any credit, and for the sake of your child I suggest you both grow up

Scarydinosaurs Fri 24-Jun-16 20:53:17

northern what on earth do you think the OP did wrong, apart from not react to a request quickly enough?

sixinabed Fri 24-Jun-16 21:24:03

Ok - just checking. Will talk to dp later and he'll probably agree that he was being a twat - but still don't know the best way to handle stupid things like this that happen from time to time.

Do you a) pull him up on it with children present
b) ignore it and deal with it later not in front of children?

On this occasion I obviously did a and it upset dc1.

Walkacrossthesand Sat 25-Jun-16 08:53:26

Does your 'delayed processing of things you've heard' thing, cause problems in other situations, or mostly/just with DP? And is that because he is more impatient, or because you don't always listen properly when it's him that's talking?
Either way, his reaction on this occasion was OTT.

AmyAmoeba Sat 25-Jun-16 13:34:27

Uhmmm, does it get any more "disrespectful" than throwing a banana skin at someone's face?

I do that delayed processing thing too. I think that it might be about sensory overload and being an introvert in my case. Like if everyone is looking for my attention at the same time, or I'm thinking about something else (I'm a daydreamer) and one of the kids asks a question, it might take a couple of seconds for me to realise and answer. I have a terrible memory though so it could all be early onset dementia confused

I find the word "disrespect" a bit odd. It's such an amorphous concept. It either suggests to me a very deep seated issue between you where he continually feels put down, disregarded, etc or it sounds like he's on a bit of a power trip.

How old is dc1, or what I'm wondering is how much credence to give to the comment. In a young child "not liking dad" means something like " you're cross with him" in the same way when they're cross with you they'll tell you they don't like you. It's a RIGHT NOW observation iyswim.

I think, within reason, it's healthy for kids to see their parents argue from time to time. But if there are deeper issues, real nastiness, threats, violence etc then you need to deal with it away from the kids ( e.g. as in through counselling) or get the kids away from it .

DeathStare Sat 25-Jun-16 14:02:53

He reacted appallingly. He should have just asked again.

sixinabed Sat 25-Jun-16 15:17:43

The not actively hearing thing happens in other situations too - it's not only him. I am an introvert and can find it overwhelming when theres a lot going on. It's not the first time he's got annoyed about it and called me disrespectful, but it's not an everyday occurence.

He did admit that his behaviour had been awful, last night, and apologised. Trouble is the kids don't see that.

Dc1 is 8.

Dp and I have had counselling twice in the past.

Trouble is, he has auditory processing disorder - so he gets sensory overload and reacts to that sometimes in an unreasonable or verbally aggressive way. You'd think that would make him understanding of my issue hmm

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