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Wtf everything crashing down

(51 Posts)
Purpleeggs Thu 23-Jun-16 15:06:39

This is long sorry haven't posted before but always hover the aibu boards.

I'm in complete and utter shock and maybe because I feel so embarrassed I can't tell anybody in real life because I think if I start crying I will never stop.

Been in a relationship for 4 years have a 2 year old daughter together lived together just over 3.

Saturday was my daughters 2nd birthday arranged a party at the house nothing major just family a couple of friends a bit of cake. Morning of party making sandwiches etc partners mum sister step mum my mum all in the kitchen. He comes downstairs and moans about the mess then says I'm having a shower and going to my friends. I ignore his little tantrum as I can't be bothered (always does this when I'm giving someone else more attention) and leave him to it.

On his phone is Spotify which I was using to play music on the speakers. Recently he became more possessive of his phone and all of a sudden has a password and takes it to the toilet etc etc.

While in the shower it starts to ring through the speaker so I walk over to cut it off and it's a girls name no one id ever heard of before. My heart dropped into my belly and I felt myself turning purple. All of a sudden there was no longer a password so I pulled down the notification bar and oh my life it was like a can of worms.

I counted 24 girls conversations the majority of which he had collected through his weekly Friday nights out because I "stress him out" about 7 of which throughout the week saying what a nice time they had spending with him.

Over the past 3 months he has been out all the time "at his friends" doing driving jobs and other bullshit.

He came downstairs picked up the phone and knew I'd been through it I saw it on his face. I carried on making sandwiches etc he made his excuses and left.

I spent the whole day holding it together smiling pretending I was fine . He came back around 3 with his cousin almost like he was protecting himself from having to talk. It finally clicked in my head I have nothing to say I just want him gone.

He left that night and hasn't been back since part of me feels so relieved but another part of me is literally having to go running everytime I feel myself going to text him or call him and break down. I know I'll be fine but it just makes me think wtf has been happening and I didn't know I feel crazy . I feel so much better for releasing all this.

WombOfOnesOwn Thu 23-Jun-16 16:04:04

You're clearly better off rid of him -- a man who throws tantrums when he's not the center of attention is just about the worst dad I could imagine for your 2 year old.

HandyWoman Thu 23-Jun-16 16:14:57

Please don't be embarrassed. The embarrassment is all his. You must be in shock. I am gobsmacked you've kept this in for five days. Please tell someone IRL,you desperately need support and someone to help you with practicalities. Have you heard from him at all? What's the situation with finances?

Lonnysera Thu 23-Jun-16 16:17:13

Oh my goodness what a horrible shock! We're these prostitutes do you think?shock

Purpleeggs Thu 23-Jun-16 16:20:23

I have vaguely told my friend not the whole story because I literally feel like I've been hit from no where. He hasn't spoken to me at all I looked on whatsapp this morning and had changed his picture and had a status about party time so ye great

Purpleeggs Thu 23-Jun-16 16:21:32

Nope not prostitutes . He frequents about 3 pubs every weekend and clubs so all met through there . Wtf do I say to my mom etc

Purpleeggs Thu 23-Jun-16 16:24:04

Finances are my next what the f moment because we are both paying half rent so if he's clearly gone I'll lose my house probably have to move back with my parents. I have cancelled my bank card as scared because he knows the numbers he could order things online

prettywhiteguitar Thu 23-Jun-16 16:25:15

You tell her exactly what he's been doing, what an absolute shit. I'm really sorry flowers

Purpleeggs Thu 23-Jun-16 16:29:52

If I tell everybody I'm going to become one of those aww poor you people and I'll cry all the time at the moment I'm keeping it all together but may collapse at any minute if you understand ?

prettywhiteguitar Thu 23-Jun-16 16:32:52

Yes but that's really ok, I've been there. It's humiliating but you need people right now, really need them

Purpleeggs Thu 23-Jun-16 16:33:04

I only told my friend a diluted version that i had seen texts she didn't seem too bothered and felt like she was just being nosey rather than caring. So I can't be bothered. My daughter is at her nans and I'm in bed under the covers in between watching orange is the new black and just screaming into my pillow. Couldn't face work literally can't face the world

prettywhiteguitar Thu 23-Jun-16 16:34:44

Ok friends aren't always the best people, depends on them really. What's your mum like ? Your dad ? Any siblings ?

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Thu 23-Jun-16 16:36:23

What a shit flowers
You can apply for housing benefit and any other benefits now he has gone.

adora1 Thu 23-Jun-16 16:36:51

Tell the truth, do not keep his dirty little secret, it's him who has failed, not you. You need all the support you can get right now.

Purpleeggs Thu 23-Jun-16 16:37:19

My mum is quite old school she's gonna find it hard to swallow and very emotional so I'd probably end up consoling her. I think I'm going to tell his mum only because she's been through a similar situation and is my best bet at a wine and cry night while my daughter isn't here.

Purpleeggs Thu 23-Jun-16 16:38:31

I've never even suspected him of it and I'm going backwards and forwards between what the hell did I do deserve this and hating his guts

Lonnysera Thu 23-Jun-16 16:51:23

Has he defo been unfaithful?

Purpleeggs Thu 23-Jun-16 16:53:23

Yep defo all there even if he hadn't physically you don't text how many women in a relationship

Italiangreyhound Thu 23-Jun-16 16:56:15

So sorry to hear this. Stay strong.

IRegretNothing Thu 23-Jun-16 16:58:19

You've been amazingly strong and should be proud of yourself. You've made the right decision for you and your daughter.

Your life is completely your own, you have complete control and autonomy now. Take solace in that. You don't have to pander to him and his tantrums.

But please do talk to someone irl, don't completely bottle it up. Start by saying you don't want drama or ott reactions just support and friendship, then explain.

His decision to cheat was his own, and as such reflects only on him. His cheating has nothing to do with you.

Purpleeggs Thu 23-Jun-16 17:06:13

I wrote him a letter not to give to him just everything I want to say. I'm so tempted to just text everybody n say he's not this perfect person u all think he is but what is the actual point sad

Lonnysera Thu 23-Jun-16 17:09:25

Keep your powder dry.flowers

magoria Thu 23-Jun-16 17:14:17

Things may not be as bad as you think.

He will have to pay for your DC. Work out what you are entitled to and see if you can afford the house with that and housing benefits.

Sorry I don't think this has been mentioned you need to get down the gum clinic for a full STI check up sad

Don't be ashamed to tell people or cry. Your friends will understand and be there for you or they are not friends.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Thu 23-Jun-16 17:17:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purpleeggs Thu 23-Jun-16 17:39:23

I think I will probably copy that idea and tell his family. I really don't want him back. He has text to ask me can I bag up all his clothes. I feel tempted to say you can find them all on the front garden but I won't

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