Partner is always horrible to me when I'm ill

[CopperPot]

Awful cold, cough, banging headache and fevdr for 3 days now. Plus my period just started and toddler and 6 month old to watch.

He says it's because of the way I talk to him- i got annoyed at him slamming stuff yesterday when I asked him to hold baby while I made breakfast for toddler and made bottles up. And that he's not a mind reader- how would he know to make me a tea/snack/bring Meds?

I'm just tired of it and feel even worse now. Anyone else have a partner who hates it when you're ill?

[CopperPot]

When I had jaw surgery last year I came home from the surgery still quite out of it and very sore. He left me with toddler and ran to have a shower and start work leaving me with child when I needed to sleep off GA. Argument ensued and get called me a cunt with my dad in earshot (he had driving me back from hosp). He's a workaholic who wouldn't even book half a day off when I had surgery.

[CopperPot]

Yesterday he said I'm trying to stop him working (it was 8am) and I'm happy to spend all his money but not let him work I literally don't buy anything for myself lol

[ThomasHardyPerennial]

He sounds like a nasty shit, and I'm sorry you have to deal with his behaviour. Does he have issues with empathy about other situations too?

Get well soon .

[CakeNinja]

I wouldn't be loling, I'd be thinking of my options for the immediate future.
Sorry you're feeling under the weather

[DonkeyOaty]

What a boor

Does your family live near? I would decamp there for a bit and have a good think. I'll bet your Dad would be relieved to have you under his roof

[CopperPot]

Yes he has little empathy.

I don't even ask for much. He works from home so can help but just doesn't offer to and when I ask oooh no I can't sorry. Even though I'm practically on the floor.

I do ever night alone too so he sleeps well. I was up 12-5am last night :(

[CopperPot]

Dad loves him.

My family have been great for once actually so I'm grateful. My sister had my son yesterday for a few hours. My mum is on her way around and my dad is.coming tomorrow. :)

I've just cancelled wedding later in year as I'm not marrying someone who obviously doesn't care about me. He thinks I'm joking.

[5BlueHydrangea]

How does he justify his behaviour to you? Surely he must have some understanding of how rough you feel? Especially post surgery, not like you could be making that up! (Not that you are but men don't always think the same way of it suits them)

Does he help much with the children day- to day?

[CopperPot]

He justifies it by placing blame on me. Always. 'The reason I'm defensive and not nce is because of how you talk and I can't win'

[CopperPot]

Drops ds to nursery then works from 8-6.30pm. On weekend I make him take ds out swimming so I have a break

[PPie10]

He sounds really awful, swearing and treating you like crap. You are complaining enough about him so why are you with him. What's changing?

[DJBaggieSmalls]

Your Dads ok with your DH calling you a cunt?
IS there any possibility this was also your childhood?

[ElspethFlashman]

Wait I'm confused....

How on earth does your Dad love a man who calls his little girl a cunt??

How does that work?

[redannie118]

My ex dh was abusive like this and is a big part of the reason he is now my ex. At the very best hes spectacular selfish, at the worse he doesnt care about you. Either way you deserve more and no its not your fault

[CopperPot]

I'm not ill often so usually just plodding along I guess.

I guess I'm waiting until the kids are a bit older to then separate I couldn't manage now although I do most stuff anyway

[lubeybooby]

he's doing it because he thinks you're workshy/lazy and that he's better than you in some way

my ex was the same... final straw was him shouting at me in a complete rage because i went for a nap when i had a chest infection. I left him 9 years ago and it was the best thing I've ever done in my life

I now have a man who falls over himself to look after me if I'm ill or need him.

it is NOT you or your fault

[CopperPot]

He's very selfish terrifyingly. Don't know if dad heard but assume it was one off I don't kno

[StrangeLookingParasite]

he's not a mind reader- how would he know to make me a tea/snack/bring Meds?

If he had the slightest bit of consideration, he would be able to think of this.
He sounds like a total loss. Good idea cancelling the wedding.

[ThePartyArtist]

Mine was like this when I was ill in the past too. The worst was when I had swine flu for about 2 weeks and he shouted at me and stormed out and left me to ring my mum in tears, when I hadn't had any contact with anyone except him for two weeks.

I think he realized how upset I was after that and he is now much better. I had to really explain things, particularly that when I'm ill I may not 'need' anything in particular (i.e. I'm not expecting him to 'fix' the problem) but I do need general sympathy, someone to check if I'd like soup etc. He took a while to get the idea that he could support without having to have a solution.

[CopperPot]

Thank you

[CopperPot]

He did call me workshy once

[MaisieDotes]

You probably could manage now copper

You'd have a lot more energy and headspace if you weren't dealing with this sort of thing.

I hope you feel better soon

[CopperPot]

Thank you for kind replies x

[RoryGilmore]

Mine is like this. I'm in the process of leaving him. He gets shitty if I ask him for anything. Even when DS was a newborn and I was feeding him, I couldn't even ask him to get a drink/snack without a sneery comment.