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Seperation

(6 Posts)
Ukjoner96 Tue 21-Jun-16 20:06:19

Separated from husband miss family unit
Hi all , I need some advice urgently .
I left husband 2 years ago , have 4 children , the eldest stayed with him . We get on ok , I see my son once a week . I have been on and off with someone for 12 months , he loves me but not sure how I feel . Found I'm pregnant (9weeks) we went away for the weekend my 3 children and nephew , there was an argument between my son partner and nephew one night , obviously I stuck up for my son , in my partners upset and anger he went for a walk , messaged my son and told him I was pregnant ( little did I know my nephew knew as well because my partner messaged him the week before wanting advice)
This among other things has made me pull away from him !!
I am missing my family unit , missing being all together as a family holidays Xmas etc ... How do people move on from this and stop feeling guilty for no longer all being together 😩

AutumnRose1988 Tue 21-Jun-16 20:50:45

From the information you have given it sounds like perhaps you are struggling with not seeing your eldest more often and you're not in love with your new partner.

Why don't you revisit how often you see your eldest? Arrange plenty of family meals/game nights etc all year round? Sort an arrange out at Xmas that you are happier with?

Did you plan having a child with your new partner? It's completely normal to feel uncertain, look to the past and ask questions at a time in your life when there's huge change so this could be an early pregnancy hormone/adjusting to your life taking a different turn thing x

Ukjoner96 Tue 21-Jun-16 21:12:59

No , wasn't planned , I had to have coil out as I'd had some problems , was waiting for period to come 2 months after to have another one put back in . We had been careful 🙉 not sure how I feel about partner , think this guilt thing just makes me push him away and just want to be on my own !! 😒

AutumnRose1988 Wed 22-Jun-16 07:31:23

What do you feel guilty about? X

Ukjoner96 Wed 22-Jun-16 07:56:27

The children and myself not being together , not being there when my eldest comes home from work/college not all being there Xmas eve to put presents out Xmas morning etc not having family holidays and things x

AutumnRose1988 Thu 23-Jun-16 23:00:28

I'm confused...I thought just the one lived with ex husband? Can you not make an alternative arrangement with your eldest so you see them a lot more?

I don't understand why you don't have family holidays anymore and don't do all the stuff you used to do...surely whatever arrangement you have with your ex you can alter so it's the best situation possible? How close do u live to your ex? Could you move closer? Could you have kids Xmas eve and day and then ex have them Boxing Day etc. You could make new traditions like you could do lots of lovely activities in the lead up to Christmas so that it feels like you are not just celebrating on the one day?

i don't mean to sound harsh but sounds like you need to kick this guilt into touch and concentrate on being more proactive and making the absolute best out of the situation otherwise the guilt is going to make things worse. Whatever you do, don't wallow. Decide what would be best for your children and then find the strength and sheer bloody mindedness to make them, and yourself, happy

Do you still have feelings for your ex or perhaps regret your decision to split?

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