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am I a basket case

(2 Posts)
Twingirlsrock Tue 21-Jun-16 17:05:09

Thanks for your opinions...... I feel as though my head might explode.

2 years ago I accepted a job offer that took my husband, 2dd's and an older dd from a former relationship abroad.... Europe not half way round the world.

Since that move my dh and I have had ridiculously turbulent times and near constant stress. My job is big and I need to travel, the dd's 3 days I nursery and older one at new international school. He worked in London in middle management however since being her hasn't been able to find a job (not having the language has been a barrier) but also has sort of not really looked very hard for one.

He is a great dad - just not much of a "wife"if you know what I mean so on top of my job I pick up all the (many) family logistics, ironing, some cleaning etc....

The other morning we were having an argument and he spoke to me very poorly in front of all the kids (my eldest daughter used to love him but her respect over the last 2 years is now at zero). When I picked him up on this he said "you made me speak to you like that - you never agree with anything I say,, "

I am a bit argumentative at times but this was a huge red flag to me after a tough couple of years. I even asked him if he was aware that that's what all abusive men say to their partners and could he hear himself.

He thinks I'm incorrect to suggest he is abusive - but what do you think qualifies? I find him:

- speaks in an aggressive tone
-speaks loudly
- speaks in a derogatory way, undermining me and making me feel small in front of other people
- sarcastic in arguments
- all things lead back to my fault (which is because I do everything)

It's plain that all these things are crap, but when they mount up or are sustained, that's when I feel they are abusive - it is starting to really do something to me inside.

I'm wondering what to do next. I know you can't tell me. But I sometimes think I am the mad one.

Thank you

adora1 Tue 21-Jun-16 17:13:12

You are describing a bully, do you really want him around you and your kids, your daughter already thinks he's an arsehole.

You're mad, for accepting this as a relationship.

Your children are watching this and they will think this is normal and repeat themselves.

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