Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

One year on.....

(6 Posts)
FairySouth Mon 20-Jun-16 08:02:08

When Facebook pops up with reminders of previous years events I am always intrigued as to what happened. Well not this weekend as my Facebook reminded me that it was one year ago that I had my first night solo with our daughter. You'd think this would be insignificant but about a week or 2 later I discovered that on his night out with colleagues he had slept in the same bed with a female colleague after the house warming party he had gone to. They'd spent the whole night hugging and from my "research" after finding out it transpired that she really liked him and wanted it to go further.
The discussions after the event made me feel humiliated like they were joking about it and had no idea how serious it was and how it would make me feel.
Me and dh are still together although sometimes I'm not sure how we are still going. It still hurts when I think about it but i do still love him. How has it been a year already? The reminder has made it all come flooding back and I feel numb. How could he have done that to us?
How do people get through these little reminders of the event that messed their head up so much. I'm not the same person I was and life isn't the same. How long does it take to get life back on track?

FYI since the event life has been pretty horrific with unemployment and depression on dh front so there is a lot more going on that has meant it has been even more of a struggle getting back some normality.

ForestFruits12 Mon 20-Jun-16 08:42:21

Hi Fairy, I'm sorry this has brought back horrible memories. I don't have any words of wisdom I'm afraid, I just didn't want to read and run.

Those FB memories can be very bitter sweet. reminding us of people we have lost, or relationships that went wrong. I guess we have to just try and acknowledge it happened and then get on with our day. sorry, I don't want to sound flippant, maybe someone will be along in a minute who has been in your situation . . . .

sending love and hugs xxx

RedMapleLeaf Mon 20-Jun-16 08:51:36

I think that numbness is how our minds protect us until we're ready to deal with a difficult situation. Perhaps now is a time to take another look at the events of last year and see if there are any decisions that need making now.

Marilynsbigsister Mon 20-Jun-16 09:05:40

This must be very hard to cope with reminders but I have to say I cannot understand this masochistic obsession with Facebook ! You don't have to use it /read it /interact with it. It's not obligatory to human existence. I know plenty of people who have happy successful fulfilled lives who have either never used it or who have closed it down. If gives a warped view that everyone is having an amazing life (except you !!) Soul destroying.

ImperialBlether Mon 20-Jun-16 09:09:35

Isn't it interesting how often men who cheat then become depressed, so you're forced to care for them when they've hurt you beyond measure.

I agree that FB can be the work of the devil, but whether you're prompted or not, this is hardly something you're going to forget.

Maybe now, one year on, you could look at what your life would be like without him. Plan it in detail and your reaction to the thought should tell you something about what you want to do in the future.

FairySouth Mon 20-Jun-16 10:16:19

I definitely still feel that I want to keep working on our marriage but I do also feel like I was too soft and forgiving initially. Maybe because I lack self esteem and belief in myself I didn't release the full extent of my hurt and am therefore still dealing with it.
I want to keep moving forward and feel a lot of progress has been made but maybe I'm holding onto a lot that I didn't realise. Life hasn't panned out how I hoped and the events of the past year and our current situation have made things incredibly tough so we've not been able to focus on just repairing our marriage as there have been so many other issues at play.

I agree that Facebook is not a requirement in life and I don't need to look at it, it just happened that it flashed up on screen (most of the time it's nice reminders but not this time)

Yes it's rubbish that dh is depressed and that I am trying to keep things together when it was him who behaved the way he did. The depression isn't related to the incident though and sometimes I feel it's karma but then I am suffering so Ive had a double bad deal. I'm left still trying to cope with the past plus trying to support dh and look to the future which at the moment feels bleak.

Maybe it is worth taking some time to write down how I have felt this past year and the good and bad things that have changed.

I don't want to feel like a broken record as I chose to stay and therefore at some point I have to move on from what happened and I can't hold it against him forever and keep bringing it up as I could have just left. It was my choice to stay but it's that little reminder that he was capable of something that I didn't think he was capable of.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now