My ohs ex is a complete ***. I'm desperately trying not to put anything else on my oh because I know he finds the situation hard but I just want to scream and end of all sometimes.
Hes basically terrified of her, she's nasty, volatile, has been violent towards him (abused him in the relationship and out of it since), unrealisticly demanding and loves the 'well you won't see him then' card.
But he won't stand up to her, he's so scared of her stopping him seeing him (9mths old btw) that he bows down to her every demand, he pays her a ridiculous amount of child support, 1/3 of his wages (£100 a week!) and she still expects him to buy stuff on demand several times a month (shoes, coats, baby food, nappies). The biggest issue though is he's too scared to tell her he's in a new relationship, I'm trying to give him the time he needs but it means he can't say no to her about things like having him the next morning (when she tells him at 10 the night before) because she will question why, that he has nothing to do or what is he doing that's more important than his boy and then if he does just say no the abuse about being a shit dad comes and she'll refuse access for a week or so (he has him around 20 hours a week most weeks, but she refuses overnight).
If she found out he was in a relationship she would step it up a gear and go into overdrive so for the time being I have to put up (it's only been 4 months but feels like a year), it's just so hard and draining, I want to get angry at him, force him to stand up to her but I understand his reasoning, it doesn't make it easy though, days like today I sit here so stressed out and wonder if it's all worth it, will it ever change, can I really deal with it? I then feel like I'm just being selfish and feel guilty, I'm falling in love with him and our time together is fantastic, but she is the elephant in the room, it's not him me and his/my kids, she seems to be there all the time
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Really struggling here
20 replies
Doomsdayapproaching · 19/06/2016 17:25
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.