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When you think you know someone and get the shock of shocks

(9 Posts)
SandyY2K Sun 19-Jun-16 11:42:06

It's strange how you think you know someone.

I recently found out that my married friend is having an affair. That in itself isn't what shocks me although I was suprised, but then she set up another friend of mine who is divorced up with her AP. She arranged the set up in front of her DH.

Although they are both my friends, they didn't know each other until a chance meeting that I was not at.

Neither of them know that I am friends with the other, but my divorced friend described my other friend down to a tee and also said her name and her DHs name and so many other details that I knew it was her.

The thing is my married friend made out that she knew this single guy who was looking for someone.

Once the AP and my divorced friend met up, he told her that he'd been seeing my married friend for a couple of years and is besotted with her, but she won't leave her DH.

My mind keeps asking why the fu*k she would set my divorced friend up like that. I always thought she was a lovely genuine person as I've known her for about 20 years now.

What a horrible thing to do to her DH and my divorced friend.

I don't know if I want her as a friend anymore - what would you make of all this?

WellDoYaPunk Sun 19-Jun-16 11:51:27

What's AP?

Trills Sun 19-Jun-16 11:55:45

Affair partner?

Trills Sun 19-Jun-16 12:00:40

So your married friend has been having an affair with a man.

And she says to your single friend "I know a nice single man", and introduces her to that same man?

Is she still sleeping with him?

Did she expect them to date, and for her to continue to sleep with him?

They go on the date and he says to single friend "I am seeing married friend" - presumably his way of saying that he doesn't want to date anyone?

Maybe he told single friend that in the hope that knowledge of the affair would get out, and so married friend and husband would split up.

SandyY2K Sun 19-Jun-16 13:07:17

Yes. She is still sleeping with him according to the OM. Plus they recently had a week away in Europe. She obviously spun her DH a line to pull that off.

As it happens my divorced friend didn't fancy him, but imagine if she did. I wonder if my divorced friend just said she wasn't keen to make out she wasn't rejected by him.

The OM and divorced friend have since developed a platonic friendship as well.

I truly just don't know what she was thinking. I did think perhaps her DH had become suspicious so she did this to throw him off the scent. Her DH knows who the OM is and just thinks he's a friend.

The thing is my divorced friend was saying how my friends DH was so affectionate towards her and she thought they were so happy. That's until the OM revealed the truth.

Divorced friend wouldn't tell her DH, she only met them once.

Trills Sun 19-Jun-16 13:16:43

That makes sense as a theory, maybe.

Hey, did you hear that Steve and Sarah went on a date...? (makes it seem less likely that I am sleeping with Steve)

mumgointhroughtorture Sun 19-Jun-16 14:42:43

This almost sounds like a situation where a woman I know has grown up kids with a married man (having an affair for many yrs) and their lives are entwined with the wife's life . They go to each others houses , the MM''s kids call their half siblings brother and sister (all grown up) they work together and he spends days of the week in each house. Yet the wife apparently doesn't know but has caught him at the other house before now .

Some people just have no shame and get away with it , the longer they do , the longer it carries on and more lies on top of more lies and before they know it they forget themselves and think of any plan they can to get away with it. She probably loves the attention but it sounds like the AP wants more, this will end in tears ... don't get involved . Say nothing then you can't get bought into the mess.

SandyY2K Sun 19-Jun-16 19:49:02

The thing is neither of them know that I know the other.

I do read about MW and MM bringing their OM/OW closure in order to create opportunities to be together, but it's such a devious thing to do and I just want to back away and distance myself from her TBH.

I'm not casting judgement on her decision to have an affair, as only she knows the issues in her marriage, but to orchestrate this set up - that's what really gets me.

I know if she knew I was connected to the other friend she'd have not done this, but she has no issue messing with another person's emotions - that pisses me off.

springydaffs Sun 19-Jun-16 21:47:59

Wow. It is another level of selfishness isn't it?

She wants him to be in a serious relationship so they both are and he will stop plaguing her to leave her husband.

And carry on with their affair unhindered.

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