I've been with my bf for 7 months. He is great, we are really well matched and for the first time in my life I have a genuine 'he's the one' feeling, which I didn't think was a real thing.
Problem is, he lives 3 hours away. We only see each other every 3 weeks, because he has his dd the other 2 weekends. He can't come down here because his dd has a swimming lesson that he had to wait ages to get her into, every Saturday during term time. I can't go and see him those weekends because my youngest dd is bloody hectic and he lives in a flat with laminate floors. He is going to do up his flat in the summer and put carpet down, so we could go and see him one of those 2 weekends after that.
There is no way either of us are going to be able to move in even the remotely near future.
Reasons he can't move: firstly, his dd (who is 6). He has her half of the time and hates being away from her the other half, so he wouldn't see her any less than that. Secondly, his job. He works in quite a specialised area so getting another job would not be easy, and there's quite a lot of stuff career-wise he'd have to do before that would be a possibility.
Reasons I can't move: I had to move around a lot (10 houses in 10 years), and we are finally settled in a HA house in a lovely area with excellent schools. My eldest dd (12) was recently diagnosed with aspergers, and this time last year she was refusing to go to school at all. She started at a really excellent secondary in September with small classes, and she has made friends and really flourished there. I wouldn't put her through another move until she has finished school as she wouldn't cope with it. She also sees her dad every other weekend, and has a good relationship with him. He already lives 1.5 hours away (in the other direction to where bf lives). I really owe it to her to stay put until she has finished her education.
In theory I could move when dd1 goes to uni, or whatever, but then dd2 will only be 12, and bf lives in London. I'm not sure how I would ever afford London, and also feel it would be unfair to take the opportunity of going to the excellent secondary school nearby from dd2, and send her to a city comp where she doesn't know anyone. Also, I really don't want to ever live in London! I don't think it's the best place for kids to be, and dd2 has a pony and loves anything outdoorsy, I don't think she'd like the city. I have limited family support but the support I do have is nearby.
Bf loves where we live and doesn't want to stay in London forever, but realistically he won't move for around 10 years at least, so even though everything is so right with him apart from the distance, can this work for so long, so far apart?
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Relationships
Long distance - long term. Can it work?
8 replies
Littlefluffyclouds81 · 17/06/2016 00:56
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