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Am I the only person who feels like people are always nicer to other people than to you?

(14 Posts)
IAmTheOP Thu 16-Jun-16 23:12:16

I always find that people are so abrupt with me, there is never any fluffiness or warmth towards me. Does anyone else ever feel that way? Whenever I meet a group of new people they never seem to take to me, too.

I am on a Facebook small group with a group of local friends, and recently I posted on it about something that has been going on in my life that has been difficult and upsetting. Everyone read it but only two replied and their replies were very much of the "Oh dear" variety rather than anything supportive or caring. Whilst the others only have to break a fingernail and they get "Oh you poor darling, thinking of you and sending love" type replies.

Even on mumsnet, I posted the same problem (under a name change) recently and only got a couple of abrupt replies, no support or niceness. At the very same time someone else posted a near identical issue on the same board and they got hundreds and hundreds of supportive, kind replies with people offering to do all sorts for them.

It hurts, it really does. Am I alone in feeling like this?

Mummyto2bubs Thu 16-Jun-16 23:17:00

Yes! I feel like this! I have a few very good friends, but in general life, I feel people never have much time for me. I always get the impression I'm not that likeable (I don't think I'm that bad!) and people always acknowledge/chat to others over me. I do get fed up with it, but have to convince myself I don't really need friends who are like this. x

CopperPot Thu 16-Jun-16 23:19:55

Yes. All the time. It's due to my low self esteem though.

What happened, op?

MumOnACornishFarm Fri 17-Jun-16 00:01:10

I'm sorry to hear this OP, it's horrible. You are definitely not alone. Like Mummyto2 said, I also get the feeling that many people don't see me as likeable! I wish I had some useful advice but I'm afraid I don't. And it's not that I have a general "woe is me" attitude, that's not the case at all, but I definately get a cooler response from most people than I think others get. I don't have, and have never had, a wide circle of friends, though in many ways I would describe myself as a people person. I did think that having my lovely son would be a passport to meeting new friends in adulthood (obviously not why I had him!) but that hasn't happened. It felt like everyone at the mother & baby groups already knew one another, and I was missing something. I do know that I struggle with small talk and 'chit chat', I don't know why, but I prefer the more meaningful stuff. So I think that definitely holds me back from forming friendships.
Do you think people see you as being pretty strong and more resiliant, and maybe therefore assume you don't need the same kind of support as the "you poor darling" bunch? I sometimes wonder if this is the case.

pallasathena Fri 17-Jun-16 08:27:06

We have an air of being special about us and some people just don't like that.

FreyaFriday Fri 17-Jun-16 09:08:09

Thank you everyone flowers

I think maybe I do give off a vibe of being resilient; everyone just seems to brush things off when it's to do with me or just think that it's not important.

If I post a Facebook status, for example I posted one recently about my DS not feeling well, I get one or two word answers like "Oh no" and "Yuck, germs", whilst other friends might post a similar status and get things like "Poor thing, hope he's soon better, sending love xxxx".

No one seems to have any time or warmth for me.

FreyaFriday Fri 17-Jun-16 09:09:12

Urgh, name change fail there sad

aladinsane Fri 17-Jun-16 12:23:09

Yep. I have this. It's a lonely feeling.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 17-Jun-16 12:34:22

I would think twice about being friends with someone who was posting about deeply upsetting personal stuff on FB. It suggests you don't understand normal social boundaries or are a drama llama. When you saw the friends in RL what did they say about it?

For your post on MN, you say someone else posted about the same issue and got loads more replies. So what was the difference between how the two were written?

Chocolate1985 Fri 17-Jun-16 14:17:48

I've noticed that a few work colleagues only need to break a nail as you say and post about it and everyone at work acts like they've lost their whole life in some terrible accident . Whereas I've went through two horrible bereavements this year and was actually told by a colleague ' well you'll just need to get on with it '! I'm a reasonably private person and I've came to the conclusion those who shout the loudest seem to get the most responses .

LovesPeace Fri 17-Jun-16 14:26:46

There are two types of people in life, the sentimental, fake 'Hugs, honey, thinking of you, darling, stay strong xxxxxx' kind, and the genuine
'Let me know if you need any help' types.

Don't be fooled.

CommonBurdock Fri 17-Jun-16 14:32:45

Facebook is a pile of superficial
crap. Hopefully it'll get eaten from the inside by some giant megavirus and explode all over the internet causing people with no life to actually talk to other human beings in their local area. I live in hope.

gandalf456 Fri 17-Jun-16 14:35:28

I have felt this way in the past. I've recently made much more of an effort to be friendly and also tried not to dwell on my own negativity and like myself more. I do suffer from low self-esteem. Sometimes I do subscribe to the theory that everyone loves an arsehole but I also think that, eventually, people see through their charm and they are the type to get through friends.

I don't think Facebook is a good yardstick, actually, and nor are forums. It's very easy to post a sympathetic post than actually do something and help someone in a practical way. I wonder how many of those would run around their house with offers of help and a bunch of flowers if they were ill?

I think I am OK but sometimes struggle a bit with low mood and this draws negativity from people at times. I try to take some responsibility for myself but, at the same time, I realise I don't actually need people to be all over me anyway.

SolomanDaisy Fri 17-Jun-16 14:37:06

I have a friend who is convinced that this is the case with her. To be honest, she is probably right, she is quite difficult and her manner can appear aggressive and confrontational which naturally means people don't respond as well to her. It's self reinforcing, because the more she becomes convinced the world is against her the worse her manner becomes and as she gets older she is getting very negative and her many plus points don't come across as easily.

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