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ex h and I hate each other

(7 Posts)
prizeyprize Wed 15-Jun-16 10:19:44

Ex was EA during 14 year marriage, I believe he has definitely got a personality disorder of some sort, no empathy, selfish beyond belief, can never be wrong, will not entertain being asked not to do stuff (eg like not hitting the children during contact!), huge control and power freak. Anyway highly acrimonious divorce 3 years ago. He basically has said he will ignore all emails from me unless it's regarding contact time with the children (because I've pulled him up on his parenting) I've said to him if we are to co-parent smoothly we should not be at each others throats but he clearly can't bring himself to converse with me directly.

Just wondered if this is fairly normal, can it, does it get better? Hate having this tension in my life, don't want to be best mates with him I just wish he'd not hate me and we can be adults.

I don't think he likes the fact that I've moved on, and I'm not that 'little abused wife' anymore), these days I look younger, happier and I'm stronger. I think he thought I'd crumble without him. He emotionally abused me, and he left me for someone else. Anyone would think it was the other way around!

Does this ring true with anyone? Any advice for me on how to deal with it?

Oddsocksgalore Wed 15-Jun-16 10:22:51

My ex husband is also like this. They never stop trying to control you!

He's trying to be in control here telling you what to contact him about.

What stuck out here for me was hitting the children during access. How old are they?

prizeyprize Wed 15-Jun-16 10:33:36

Thanks oddsock yes I pulled him up on it, he did it again (they are 11 and 9) so I rang SS since which time he has put this 'rule' in place and blocked me from his work email and will ignore any communication unless it's about times for contact with children (so for his convenience) anything else I have to deal through solicitor, or he ignores. Obviously at my expense. Thankfully the call to SS did the trick and he's stopped hitting then at least!!

bibliomania Wed 15-Jun-16 11:21:28

Well done on getting the slapping started.

Aim for parallel parenting rather than co-parenting.

And yes, I find it weird to have an ex seething with so much hatred for me. I don't really hate him, although he's the one who dished out the bad treatment to me.

bibliomania Wed 15-Jun-16 11:38:35

Well done on getting the slapped STOPPED, not started. God.

Mintychoc1 Wed 15-Jun-16 11:56:21

My parents hated eachother, my Mum in particular loathed my Dad. They never spoke, ever. He didn't come to the door - just beeped the horn to collect us. They divorced when I was 2, I'm now 48, and my Mum still speaks with pure venom if she's talking about him.

I appreciate it must have been very hard for them, but I wish they (my Mum more than my Dad) had toned it down a bit, because it was really hard for us kids. I remember when I was really little I used to cry when his contact weekends were over because I missed him, but I hid in my room because I didn't want my Mum to see, as I knew she'd say he wasn't worth crying over. When we stayed at his house I'd miss my Mum at night time, but I couldn't tell him, so again I cried alone in my room. It was horrible.

So as hard as it is, please do your best to conceal the animosity between you from your kids.

prizeyprize Wed 15-Jun-16 12:18:11

biblio thank you, the article on parallel parenting is really interesting and something I will try and aim for. Hopefully as time goes on things may get easier.

minty I'm sorry you went through this. I too had a similar experience, but unfortunately (or fortunately) I didn't miss my dad much. I try not to talk about their dad in a negative way to them, for obvious reasons. When they come home from contact and they talk about their time there I listen quite matter of factly, be it positive or negative regarding their time there. I'm pleased that they can feel they can get any issues out in the open and then we get on with our week. I can't speak for him though, they tell me that he speaks ill of me, but I rise above it and tell them to do the same.

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