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Please don't flame me.. Unknown affair thread

(13 Posts)
ikeaqueen73 Tue 14-Jun-16 18:04:26

I was in a long relationship..I left and now live on my own.
Over the years there has been a man (in a place I won't say but used to visit every so often, he had access to my number) We always caught each other's eye and there was always something flirty there. I wasn't long into my relationship and he messaged me (basically flirting) nothing has ever happened & I told him I was taken..end of.

Fast forward 8 years & im
Now single. Imagine my shock when he contacts me again (he found out I was single after hinting when he last saw me) imagine the mix of 'it's too soon' jumbled up with 'my god he's gorgeous!'
At first I wouldn't see him, I wasn't ready for anything, he kept saying life's short and it progressed.

We met up. Looking back out and about in public..he came to mine.. a few weeks later we slept together. He is a totally obsessed gym goer, not pumped up but just perfect figure..he lives at the gym practically..at first this didn't bother me..but times passed. He seemed to almost 'fit me in' with free nights and I started to get suss. Due to previous relationship issues I started to worry and asked him outright if he was married..I got back a yes but the usual I'm just plodding along etc..I was shocked.
I am totally ashamed to say I met him again a couple of times after I found this out just to lay out how I felt, how wrong it is and how upset I am. He basically in a nut shell said it was fate messaging me and wished he could leave her but can't watch her face drop. I told him he was obviously content and to carry on his life without me..He blazenly said he understood and would leave me alone. He didn't though and we messaged back and forth with me ranting and him trying to justify things..I deleted his number and he did the same. A couple of weeks ago he messaged me again, said he had written my number down. I have told him to carry on with his life & wife..he says he sees me as a great friend and misses me and wants to meet..I've said no and it's madness to think we can just be 'friends?' today I blocked him. I feel gutted but know he's not mine, I feel crap for his wife and can't intentionally do the dirty on someone I don't know and feel sorry for her. Guess i just feel lost, fed up and gutted as he's too good to be true..obviously.

RaisinGirls Tue 14-Jun-16 18:10:25

Block his number so he can't contact you. You've done the right thing putting a stop on things once you realised he was unavailable.

I know it's difficult to pull back but you do know it's the only and best option.

Once the contact ceases you will fill your mind with other things and other people.

Make space in your life for you and for someone who is a decent honest man, not a weak cheat.

scousesal Tue 14-Jun-16 18:11:06

He sounds awful op , no flaming from me he got you hooked in under false pretenses.All you can do now is keep him blocked and remind yourself when you feel tempted that you are better off without someone who would lie to his wife and use you like that.Easier said than done as human emotions are messy but you are better off without him.

adora1 Tue 14-Jun-16 18:12:19

Keep strong OP, you know he's not available and good you are thinking of his wife, just because she doesn't know she is entitled to be considered!

I'd bet he's at with other women too, his reaction to you asking if he was married said it all.

You will actually in time realise that you are worth a hell of a lot more than someone's sloppy seconds.

Keep busy, see friends, get out there and find a nice man that doesn't cheat.

TheNaze73 Tue 14-Jun-16 18:14:44

You're worth so much more than he can give you.

SandyY2K Tue 14-Jun-16 18:43:22

Block block and block again every avenue of contact

He wants you to be his dirty little secret. Not quite the starring role in his life and his willingness to deceive his wife shows you what he's capable.

228agreenend Tue 14-Jun-16 19:11:21

No flaming from me.

On the contrary, well done on realising the truth and extracting yourself from the situation.

AnyFucker Tue 14-Jun-16 19:16:58

If he contacts you again, threaten to tell his wife everything

ikeaqueen73 Wed 15-Jun-16 11:00:28

Thanks for the support. It's got a bit easier as I've told myself this can't happen anymore. Aside from being obviously taken he's gorgeous in every which way..I know I need to switch off its just very hard.

adora1 Wed 15-Jun-16 13:33:20

So what if he is gorgeous, he's not in every which way, he cheats on his wife and thinks nothing of having affairs, what's gorgeous about that?

loobyloo1234 Wed 15-Jun-16 13:41:41

Poor you OP. No flaming from me either flowers

He strung you along. Nothing to be ashamed of. Just move on now and block him from your life. I've had to do it before. You'll look back in a few months and wonder what you were thinking

His poor wife though sad

CrumpetsAndGin Wed 15-Jun-16 13:57:08

Cheating on his wife and misleading you is exceptionally unattractive. I think focusing on that will quickly put his good points into the shade, and hopefully make things easier for you.

Sorry he led you on OP, but its really not your fault.

PrancingQueen Wed 15-Jun-16 14:40:11

He sounds awful - a liar, cheat and arrogant too.
He can't break up with his wife because he 'doesn't want to see her face drop' hmm

You dodged a bullet there OP.

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