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OLD dilemma

(37 Posts)
ladyfadgina Tue 14-Jun-16 07:35:48

Chatting for about a week with some guy a bit younger than me. We have a laugh and he's really attractive. Last night he asked me a load of questions about my sexual experiences.....then told me at the end he was having a wank confused then disappeared.....now I feel a bit used.
WWYD.....Block and move on or keep for casual sex?

JellyBean31 Tue 14-Jun-16 07:41:21

If you start out talking like thus via messaging I think it's unlikely to ever be anything more than a NSA kind of relationship (talking from experience) so it all depends on what you're after.

I have on occasion masturbated whilst sexting but I wouldn't volunteer that information... Haha

ladyfadgina Tue 14-Jun-16 07:48:27

Yes I think it would never be more than a sexual relationship I guess. It was weird because it wasn't sexting, it was just normal chat (about sexual experiences) then he just said he was wanking and about to come then poof end of chat- don't know whether I feel used or flattered. confused

Hissy Tue 14-Jun-16 07:53:06

He asked about sexual experiences and YOU ANSWERED HIM?

confused

What did you think he was asking for? Of course he was doing it for his own gratification.

You need boundaries love. See the signs, they were all there!

Yea you were used.

ladyfadgina Tue 14-Jun-16 08:01:41

Yep I answered him, he answered my questions too....it was good spicy conversation. only I wasn't wanking over his answers.

TheNaze73 Tue 14-Jun-16 08:03:44

You've saved him £1.50 per minute there. Move on

ladyfadgina Tue 14-Jun-16 08:06:21

grin naze....good point.

goddessofsmallthings Tue 14-Jun-16 08:06:42

"he's really attractive"

And you know this from the photoshopped pix of his mate he posted on his profile how?

The moral of the story is never make assumptions about anyone you chat to online but haven't met in rl

ladyfadgina Tue 14-Jun-16 08:19:46

Well he's an actor...so pictures and videos match up to his phone number on website so I'm confident he is genuinely hot.

ladyfadgina Tue 14-Jun-16 08:25:49

So question is keep for casual sex or block and move on....WWYD?

CrazyDuchess Tue 14-Jun-16 08:32:34

Well what are you OLD for? If it's for casual sex - go for it... if you are looking for a relationship, they block and move on

pictish Tue 14-Jun-16 08:32:52

Personally I'd block. He sounds like an inappropriate, self-gratifying twat who lacks respect and boundaries to me!

If you're into that sort of thing, keep him on.

ladyfadgina Tue 14-Jun-16 08:41:24

I think a relationship Duchess nothing too heavy, nothing too casual. But at the moment I'm not having much luck so casual would be a good stop gap.
pictish think you are right ....I've blocked and unmatched from the site....bit of a wanker grin

TheNaze73 Tue 14-Jun-16 09:19:17

Hi Lady Without wanting to sound harsh, do you really know what you want? Maybe you're sending out mixed signals?

Slowdecrease Tue 14-Jun-16 09:24:57

This is the problem the majority of people have with OLD. The majority of people say they want a relationship - nothing to heavy - well of course not, who would want a heavy relationship with someone they've never met before, that's entirely normal. IMO it's the people who are so incensed with their dates not falling in love with them and promising their lives to them IMMEDIATELY as they stated VERY CLEARLY that they were looking for a serious relationship that are a bit scary. Eek. People who advertise themselves to the masses (because that's essentially what OLD is) as only interested in a 'serious' thing are in my opinion a bit of a red flag in themselves. Anyway. In the absence of a serious thing developing I would say a fair percentage of people are willing to settle for something a bit more casual (i.e. a shag) because, well, it's been a while and they're horny. Now here's the problem. Some people can just do that, just settle for the physical. Most people and I am going to stick my neck out here and say mainly women, will SAY they will settle for more casual, but actually are hoping that the guy they fancy will spend just enough time gazing into their eyes post-sex to fall madly in love. It rarely happens. So I think what I am saying is this. In my opinion and experience:

Most people on OLD may are genuinely looking for a relationship (nothing to heavy of course) but not with just anyone - for that special person - and the odds are that most of the people they date/speak to will just not be it. That works both ways.

Most people in the absence of finding the perfect one will be content with scratching the itch and thats when people get hurt because rarely are people are the same page unless they expressly go on there stating they want casual sex (which conversely makes them a sleaze).

My personal experience of OLD after dipping into it a few times is that the last time I went on it I had been dumped in a really rubbish way and as a usually confident person my self esteem has took a knock. I went on Tinder really for a confident boost and nothing more. Started talking to someone for a month so (absolutely no sexy talk or wanking grin ) met a month later, slept together the first night - been together about 18 months now. Very happy.

My advice for OP is I suspect he won't want you for a casual thing at this stage as you've kind of already given all your allure away, talking him through the game as it were for free. I'd move on and keep him on the back burner if you're feeling frisky at the end of the phone one night. There's casual and then there's literally blowing your load early doors, where else is there to go with it?

ladyfadgina Tue 14-Jun-16 09:54:26

Naze i told him I didn't want ONS or a full on serious relationship....we seemed to be on the same page.
slow yes this is so true what you are saying about OLD. The questions he asked me were yes or no answers, I didn't elaborate or describe anything, also a few non sexual ones, do you smoke, done drugs etc. Not wank material at all, or so I thought....completely shocked when he said what he was doing and then I stopped the conversation. It was weird.

Slowdecrease Tue 14-Jun-16 10:00:15

It is weird and he sounds a bit strange.

ladyfadgina Tue 14-Jun-16 10:03:55

Yeah you are right slow.....I'll put this down to another strange OLD experience! confused

IToldYouIWasFreaky Tue 14-Jun-16 10:07:01

I agree with Slowdecrease except I am one of those scary types that is looking for a serious relationship! But of course I understand that it has to be with the right person and it doesn't happen overnight.

Anyway, IME, when I am chatting to someone either it's heading towards potential dating type scenarios, in which case there is NO sexting. Flirting fine but nothing explicit and definitely no photos. It would just be a bit weird to meet someone for a drink, knowing that you've seen their cock! grin
Or, you can be chatting to someone and you hit it off but know it's not going to work as a potential relationship (usually because of distance, for me) and this is where things can develop into sexting. No one's getting used, it's just fun...as long as you both know where you stand.

The key (as with so many things to do with OLD) is to know that you are looking for and know what you and will not accept. And if anyone ever makes you feel uncomfortable, block and move on.

Slowdecrease Tue 14-Jun-16 10:10:24

As I say I just hit lucky really meeting my OH this time but I'd had my fair share of strange experiences previously, its a learning curve. I've always likened it to the olden days when you'd meet people in clubs. There's going to be the ones who pinch your bum unsolicited the ones who look good but have no personality, the ones showing off with their mates, the ones who can dance amazing and all the girls want them and if you're really lucky, the man of your dreams over there in the corner (he probably won't come to you but give him some encouragement and he'll take the bait smile )

Heavens2Betsy Tue 14-Jun-16 10:19:57

I've always thought with OLD that you need to know your boundaries and never say or accept anything that you wouldn't like if it were a face to face conversation.
So if I met someone and after ten minutes of chat they started asking me about sex I'd think they were a perv - why is it any different online?
However if you like talking about sex and the conversation is going the way you want it to that's fine as well.
Him telling you what he was doing was his way of pushing the boundaries (either that or he's an inappropriate knob) and it made you feel uncomfortable and used so end the conversation as you would in a real day to day life situation.

ImperialBlether Tue 14-Jun-16 10:23:13

He's an actor? He won't mind a bit of publicity then, will he? Send him a message asking if the DM has been in touch yet.

ladyfadgina Tue 14-Jun-16 10:39:52

Slow yes, you are so right with the 'club' analogy. So true.

Yes Heavens absolutely, we'd gone hours and hours of chat over the space of a week or so. Really lovely chat, funny, silly, we seemed to share a good rapport. No smuttiness, maybe casual innocent flirting at best. This thing last night was like a bolt out of the blue.

[Grin] Imperial that would be fun, unfortunately DM probably not interested....not famous - he's a bit time actor, adverts and sketch shows.

ladyfadgina Tue 14-Jun-16 10:48:22

Freaky yes, I see what you were saying. This was it, I wasn't entirely sure if I was being used or not, its never really happened before because I usually shut them down when any talk of sex comes up. Don't go in for sexting with strangers. So I'm not sure if I was being overly prudish or not...it was more the fact that he didn't even say goodnight that I was more miffed about! Talk about roll over and go to sleep!! grin

IToldYouIWasFreaky Tue 14-Jun-16 10:57:50

No, no, no, no! Not overly prudish at all. Like I said, it's all about what YOU are comfortable with. Everyone will have different boundaries. Doesn't make you prudish.
I don't do ONS...I can't deal with them emotionally so sexting is my kind of equivalent (no strings attached, itch scratching fun!) BUT it has to be with someone that I have built up some level of rapport with....a good old flirty conversation leading up to pics being sent etc. An unsolicited pic or a sudden sexual comment is just offputting and rude.
I guess to use the club analogy, it's the difference between having a snog and a cheeky fumble with someone you fancy, and someone flashing you...

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