Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I think I need to stop drinking.

(18 Posts)
Snowcoveredthoughtcage Sun 12-Jun-16 07:47:32

Good morning everyone. Need some support or something. I think I need to stop drinking. I might be over-reacting to the events of yesterday, or it might be the wake up call i need. I went to a garden party, just me and DD, who is 6 and has a hearing impairment. DH and DS are away. V generous hosts and although I was alternating water with wine I ended up v pissed. I felt normal until suddenly I didn't, which is usual for me and took DD home.
It's a 15 min walk and I wasn't fit to be in charge of her. The last bit she wanted to run, and i fell over. I managed to get us home and she watched a DD in bed with me while I passed out. Woke up at midnight filled with self loathing and what-ifs. She is safe but she might not have been.
This is the first time I have been drunk in sole charge of a child but I need to make sure it's the last.
I'm not sure what I need from this thread really perhaps some advice or something. I have a complex relationship with booze. My mum is very judgemental about drinking due to a dry upbringing (religious ) and an alcoholic brother. I don't drink during the week but I sometimes binge and it makes me low and can bring on my depression. I've had bouts of not drinking before, when on medication or pregnant so I know I can. But the fact that I have to make rules around it shows that I am not suited to it. I feel that I've had too many hangovers this year. Feel so low and ashamed.

Hassled Sun 12-Jun-16 07:52:54

You got her home safe and well and nothing bad happened. She's fine. There is no point beating yourself up about the "what ifs".
And you've learnt something - you've learnt that you drink to excess at times and that you really need to stop; that's a good thing. So yes - it sounds like you need to address your relationship with alcohol but please don't be so hard on yourself. Most of us have woken up with that "what was I thinking?" feeling at one point or another.

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely Sun 12-Jun-16 07:55:07

I've recently given up drinking - best thing I've ever done.

My best advice is to read around some sober blogs and books to get a better idea.
For blogs, I like sober is the new black, Mrs D is going without, mummy was a secret drinker.

Lucy Rocca's books are great, and there's a forum called soberistas which is brilliant too.

Good luck op!

Rarity75 Sun 12-Jun-16 07:57:02

Can I suggest you look at the brave babes thread? There is lots of support for you there, you aren't on your own with having a complicated relationship with alcohol.

But right now you feel pants so flowers for you

Snowcoveredthoughtcage Sun 12-Jun-16 07:58:01

Thank you Hassled that is such a kind message. Sobbing now. DD is watching CBBC and has asked why she didn't have a bath last night.

HopperBusTicket Sun 12-Jun-16 07:59:55

I know that feeling of hungover remorse. It's horrible. I think you need to recover from your hangover first and then think about whether you want to give up drinking. I agree it's not good to be so drunk in charge in a child that you worry you might not have got her home safely. It might be a valid choice to stop drinking but right now make yourself a sugary cup of tea and have a hearty breakfast (if you feel up to it).

Snowcoveredthoughtcage Sun 12-Jun-16 08:01:26

Oh and thanks to people who posted while I was typing. I don't deserve such kindness but self - pity isn't helping anyone so after this cry and a coffee I'm going to fix this.

Ifailed Sun 12-Jun-16 08:05:14

I too remember something similar, managed to get two DS home via tube, but couldn't remember how shock.
Like others have said, don't beat yourself up about it, your DD is ok, you have learnt a valuable lesson and won't do it again.

seriouslyclueless Sun 12-Jun-16 08:05:42

I know exactly how your feeling and have been there many times and it's awful.
Be kind to yourself today, there is no point beating yourself up, but that is what a hangover will do. Get yourself ready, make some nice food, go for a walk, have a nap later and a maybe cuddles with DD watching a little film. Today will pass and you will feel so much better tomorrow.
I had a particularly drunk incident at a wedding in 2012 and now barely touch booze.
I found the brave babes battle bus an amazing support. Go and post there and read the first thread.
I also found Alan Carrs Easy Way to stop drinking a brilliant book.
Sending a virtual hug and huge glass of lucozade.

RealityCheque Sun 12-Jun-16 11:00:12

If a dad had behaved like that while his wife was away and he was looking after a six year old he would have his balls bitten off on here.

Why the double standards? Seriously, why?

QuiteLikely5 Sun 12-Jun-16 11:15:23

Does it matter why the double standards??

The woman knows she did wrong and wants help hence her post and that's what matters.

There was a thread somewhere the other day asking your question so maybe you will find the answer on there.

Op sympathies flowers

Rubixx Sun 12-Jun-16 11:20:25

It's not double standards at all. Usually it would be a person posting about their partners behaviour and yes the partner would get a slating but that isn't the case.

This is the person posting themselves and looking for help and support and has recognised their dangerous behaviour. You should fuck off the thread if you have nothing helpful to add. HRH.

Rubixx Sun 12-Jun-16 11:20:56

HTH*

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely Sun 12-Jun-16 12:07:19

She's recognised there's a problem, that's why. And shame is poor motivation, particularly when combined with a hangover.

Snowcoveredthoughtcage Sun 12-Jun-16 12:27:25

Agree about double standards up to a point, although thank you quite and rubix for supporting me. I talked to my sister and my best mate and both talked me through the evening, established that I shouldn't have drunk so much, but realising I had, getting us both home and remembering the whole journey and what happened at home, including locking doors feeding cat etc, putting on the film, getting us into pyjamas means I can't have been incapable drunk. I am NOT minimising but I feel less bad about the what if now. My other best mate who was there has just texted to say I seemed merry, not drunk and she wouldn't have let me walk home if she had been worried.
HOWEVER. All of those conversations just show that I am not good with alcohol when tired, stressed or menstrual and I have to think seriously about my mental health.
DH is back and totally unfazed by it, says not to feel bad, but I know he'll support me in stopping. I'm stopping from today and we'll see how I am in a month. Really really appreciate the support and I may head over to the battle bus if I need online support.

pointythings Sun 12-Jun-16 13:21:43

I think doing a sober month is a very good start. You have a lot of insight into your issues, which is a hopeful sign. You may be suited to something called Moderation Management, which is a movement that started in the US in response to the culture of abstinence or bust, which seems to be the only option over there. have a look and see if this strikes a chord.

I don't think needing 'rules' for alcohol means you automatically have a problem with it, though. There's a difference between setting yourself limits because you have an insight into the risks and needing rules because you are alcohol dependent. And only you can be the judge of where you fall on that particular divide.

Good luck.

vxa2 Sun 12-Jun-16 14:03:48

Come over to the Dry 13 if you are going to go for abstinence - you will get loads of support there. For moderation the brave babes thread is good and there are also ladies there who are AF. Take care.

DerelictMyBalls Sun 12-Jun-16 20:26:20

I quit a few years ago after realising that I am just a total arsehole when I have been drinking. I was heartily sick if waking up to that feeling of shame, dread and embarrassment as I tried to piece together the evening to gauge how much of a dickhead I had been.

I used the Allen Carr book (suggested upthread) and found it really useful. DH quit at the same time, which made it loads easier for us both.

Staying sober has been fairly straightforward and I am very glad I did it.

Good luck xx

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now