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When is best to tell the children?

(5 Posts)
Hermanfromguesswho Sat 11-Jun-16 10:56:16

DH and I have decided to split.
DH is going to move out but needs to find a place first and is looking to buy so may take a few weeks.
Is it better to tell the kids sooner so they can ask questions now and have both of us there to answer them? Or wait until much nearer a moving out date?
I am struggling with the fact that no one else knows so I can't talk to friends/family about things (can't tell others until the kids know) but don't want to let that cloud the decision as to when would be best for telling the kids.
They are all between 4 and 11 years old.

loveyoutothemoon Sat 11-Jun-16 12:17:30

Tell them sooner. Not advisable to do it right before it happens-that's not nice, it will be too much.

I've been there, not a nice situation to be in, so better to prepare them as much as you can.

Ebony69 Sat 11-Jun-16 14:48:27

I would advise you to break the news later and certainly once you have a firm date in place. Although a last minute discussion wouldn't be appropriate, if you tell them too soon the anxiety over him actually moving out would be too protracted.

Cabrinha Sat 11-Jun-16 14:57:52

I don't understand when people think that waiting until the new place is sorted means giving kids no notice. You don't HAVE to move out the day you tell them.

If he's buying, it'll take months not weeks, I expect.

My child was 4.5 and I thought better to deal in certainties. I told her 4 months after the actual split, when I had the keys in my hand to my new house. But my XH and I had already agreed that the move timing would depend on her reaction. As it happens she wanted to see the house that day and then wanted a sleepover same night.

You can sort the house, tell them the new arrangements, but ease into it over a month or so.

SandyY2K Sat 11-Jun-16 15:45:33

I would wait till nearer the time. You don't want them being confused about seeing you both in the same bed and also knowing it's over.

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