I'm 43, married for 6 years, we have an 8 year old son. We had an enormous wedding surrounded by lots of friends and family. Before I met my husband I had a series of disastrous relationships, but my female friendships were solid. I value my female friends very much. I was closest to two women in particular and they were my rock solid friends, or so I thought. They were the ones who came round the night before my wedding and painted my hands with henna, and one of them is Godmother to my son. She also acted as 'doula' when I was in labour.
Life is never that simple and lovely all the time, and we've all 3 had things happen to us which have changed us -and I can't write all the ins and outs since 2009 here. So, in a nutshell, one of them fell out with the other, I tried and succeeded in helping them sort it out and once they found their way back to one another I found myself very much pushed out, particularly by one of them who has said some very hurtful things which I'm trying to forgive but unfortunately can't forget, and I keep dwelling on them.
As one of them lives close to me I often hear them chatting in her garden and I am afraid I find it very difficult, as I'm not invited to join them as I once was. I'd always imagined that by my age friendships would be easy and would last - this is so embarrassingly schoolyard!
I'm not friendless by any means, I have lots of lovely people in my life and am never short of invitations or a social life, I took voluntary redundancy to start a business so I've been very busy.
However I miss the friendship I had with these two very much. I still see one of them, usually on her own, and we're part of a wider circle so I do see them both on occasion, but it's never going to be as it was and it still makes me very very sad. It also makes me sad for my son, as our children are all friends and he doesn't get to see them all as often as they see each other because the three families don't get together any more as we used to.
So I suppose what I'm after is wisdom, from those who have been through this 'friendship breakup', an outside perspective on it all, and lastly, somewhere to write down how I feel. That I'm very sad, and I really miss my friends.That I wonder what I could have done differently to stop it from happening.
We had been friends for over 20 years, and sometimes in over dramatic moments I just feel like walking away from the whole friendship circle to stop it hurting. I can't afford to move house, but I would if I could, as the garden thing is worse at this time of year, and painful.
Thanks for reading, I feel a bit silly, but I'm going to create the thread despite being a bit terrified about it!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
In my 40s, lost close friendships - is it normal to lose friends as you age?
WrenNatsworthy · 10/06/2016 17:44
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.