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talk sense into me

(14 Posts)
boredofthisnow16 Fri 10-Jun-16 16:45:07

Please can someone knock some sense in to me?? I am going to try and summarise this but not miss out anything important.

I have been with my boyfriend for two years.
I am a single mum, work full time, rent.
He works full time, earns the same as me, lives with his family officially, but stays at my flat every night, so technically lives with me,
He pays no bills, rent, anything. He will pay if we go for a meal, or he will pay if we go shopping for food, most of the time.

My tenancy is up in a few weeks and I am looking for a new flat. I said "i think we should do it together as it isnt fair" etc and he said no as he wnts to spend his money on a motorbike. Typing this it sounds laughable that I'm even asking for opinions.

We had an argument a few days ago, I said it isn;t fair and he said he knows but he wants a bike "end of".

EVERYONE I have spoken to tells me this is ridiclous and I need to just say goodbye to him but I try and that I miss him so much. I feel pathetic. WHY am I like this and why can't he see it's wrong?

I don't know what I even am posting for to be honest. I know I could meet someone "nicer" as in someone who is kinder and pays for their share etc, but I feel i would never find a connection like this with someone else.

Jesus

8angle Fri 10-Jun-16 16:51:21

I am so sorry that you have had to put up with this - you really don't have to any more. He is a childish cocklodger, and is just using you - it will not get better - so you have to decide if you are prepared to financially support one more child for the rest of your life, or have some self respect, and tell him to take his bike and do one...

whimsical1975 Fri 10-Jun-16 16:55:57

No, you're right, you probably won't find a connection like this with someone else... you'll find a better one!!!! He sounds very immature and self-centred.

He clearly enjoys living with his parents so that he can spend money on himself, which is fair enough if he's single and dating without commitment. It sounds to me like you're looking for something a little more committed and "grown-up", in which case you aren't at the same place in your lives. This relationship will never be fulfilling and successful unless you both want the same things.

I'd seriously let him, and his bike, go!

LineyReborn Fri 10-Jun-16 16:58:24

The key part of your post (for me) is, 'WHY am I like this?'

Have you got any ideas bubbling around? The more you can say this stuff or write it down, the better.

Redisthenewblack Fri 10-Jun-16 17:03:48

He's essentially told you he values a motorbike over your happiness. What a prick.

There's no way I'd accept coming second to a bike well, unless I was marrying Valentino Rossi.

RiceCrispieTreats Fri 10-Jun-16 17:07:37

Why can't he see it's wrong?

You can't change other people or force them to see things your way. So asking yourself why he is like this is fruitless; instead, you need to work on accepting that he is the way he is, and that this is immutable and nothing that you can influence.

Why am I like this?

Somewhere along the line, you learned the lesson that love is closely linked to being treated with neglect and contempt. That's the "connection" you feel with this man: it isn't love, it's the memory of something familiar from your past.

You realised for yourself as you were typing this that his attitude is wrong and bad for you. Your rational self knows this. Your emotional self, however, is still caught up in re-living something unhealthy.

It's good that you're beginning to notice this tendency of yours. Because it's only by taking a good look that you will stand a chance of changing it to something healthier. The support of a counselor or psychotherapist could help you along.

TheNaze73 Fri 10-Jun-16 19:18:48

He's being a selfish cock.

CantAffordtoLive Fri 10-Jun-16 19:28:04

I've always told my daughter to get a good job, get your own car and keep a roof over your own head. You can have boyfriends as and when but always keep your home as your own until you get married.

You can still see him, just make sure he goes home at night and ask him to contribute to the food he eats. Although really I think, as others have said, he's a cocklodger and you should get rid.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 10-Jun-16 21:46:11

Cheeky bastard.

Surely you are worth better.

Asprilla11 Fri 10-Jun-16 21:49:04

Is he Jesus and did he come down from heaven on a Yamaha? shock

grin

timelytess Fri 10-Jun-16 21:50:44

Let him go. He's a hobby you can't afford.

AnyFucker Fri 10-Jun-16 21:51:44

Blimey. You need to stop being a MUG now.

SandyY2K Sat 11-Jun-16 00:10:18

If he wants to live at home with mummy and daddy that's fine, but don't let him stay over with you so often.

Is this guy intending to commit ? Actually silly question.. He's committed to getting the motorbike.

He's still a boy. How old is he ?

goddessofsmallthings Sat 11-Jun-16 02:17:09

The only response to him saying that he "knows it isn't fair" but he wants a bike END OF is 'I'm ending our relationship because you've ponced off me for far too long so it's on your bike for you, sonny'.

How can you have a 'connection' with someone who's made it clear that he intends to continue taking advantage of you even though he knows it isn't fair?'

Think about what lessons you've been teaching your dc and bin the selfish fucker before they become as self-entitled as he is.

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