Engagement

[angiejd]

Due to get married in 3 weeks time. Just found out my engagement ring was bought from a pawn shop for £46. Nothing wrong In that but he lied and told me that it cost £450 from a reputable jewellers. He said he got rid of the box because he thought it was bad luck to keep the box, obviously didn't come in a box! He had also told relatives and myself that he had been paying money towards this ring for a few months as it cost so much!!! As I said I wouldn't mind the ring if he had just been upfront about it in the beginning. Thoughts please

[Jan45]

Well he clearly has no issue lying to you, does he lie about other stuff, that's a pretty nasty thing to say btw.

[Rachwyso]

As Long as you love the ring it doesnt really matter how much it cost and and where it came from but some people are really funny about it, and if nosey people feel the need to ask where its from and how much it cost maybe he felt the need to make up a little white lie. Perhaps he was just a little shamed to admit to people where it really came from. Male pride and all that rubbish

[IthinkIamsinking]

Pride? He couldn't afford an expensive ring? He didn't want to disappoint you? Saw a bargain? Any number of reasons. Does it really matter?

[kittybiscuits]

I wouldn't married an accomplished liar.

[Jan45]

Then be honest about it with your partner, it doesn't matter about anyone else.

[Redisthenewblack]

I was about to come and say the same as Ithink

I don't think it matters one bit. He was probably too embarrassed to tell you/others.

How did you find out?

[ApocalypseSlough]

It's really difficult because you've got a) the original lie, then lying about the box, self aggrandisement about paying it off in instalments and telling friends and b) the fact that it's an engagement ring, symbol of the future and love and c) there's a lot of hype around rings, viz 2 months salary.
What's he like normally, any other signs of dishonesty?

[angiejd]

Normally there have been a few little white lies but then who doesn't. He also told me that he needed £70 as the last payment for the ring and he loaned it from me! I don't really care how much it cost to be honest I was just happy that we got engaged. He could've given me a plastic ring for all I cared

[IthinkIamsinking]

You need to speak to him then. He may have debts you are unaware of.

[Jan45]

I don't lie OP, especially about money to my partner, sorry but you need to find out exactly why he did this, it's not on.

[DrMorbius]

He got you to buy your own ring and made £24 on the deal .

It's not the cost, he is taking the piss. Marry him and you will regret it.

[Cabrinha]

I'm sorry, but I am certain you will have an unhappy marriage.

You should have included that latest bit in your OP

Reasons I think your marriage is a bad idea:

1. You can't just talk to him about it
   
2. He lies to you
   
3. He scams money off you
   

I would say I feel sorry for you, but I'm actually feeling pleased for you that you've found out in time!

[Jan45]

Kinda takes the romance out of the whole thing eh lol.

[Cabrinha]

And no, I don't tell my partner (or previous ones) white lies. Or as I call them, LIES.

[HedgeSchool]

I think that's pretty scuzzy and potentially suggests an irresponsible attitude to money and/or concealed debts, as well as a slightly alarming capacity for mass lying to the OP and various relatives.

Male pride and all that rubbish

Which is obviously a perfectly good excuse for mass lying and for then borrowing money from the OP to pay for an imaginary engagement ring - what did he actually need the money for?

[Rachwyso]

No, i didnt say that male pride and all that rubbish is a good reason not at all i was simply saying maybe thats why he felt the need to lie.

OP didnt say he had borrowed the money to pay for it until later.

I personally think a lie (white or any other colour) is still a lie and not acceptable-but judging by the state on my own relationship, im far from qualified to give relationship advice!

[purplefox]

How did you find out? Does he know you know?

I'd never marry someone who had lied to me to this degree. The cost of the ring would be irrelevant its the complete long-running bare faced deceit, how would you be able to trust someone who lies to such an extent?

[DeathByMascara]

Your first post, I didn't think was too alarming, but I'd have been disappointed in your shoes. Your second post worries me though. What would he have been needing that money for if clearly not the ring? There's something more going on here OP.

[angiejd]

A friend of mine works at the shop and no he doesn't know I know

[angiejd]

I'm wondering if he dug a hole for himself by saying that he had been paying for the ring each month and when it came to it he actually had no money and no ring. He had mentioned to people he was going to ask. I really dont know I am sending myself crazy thinking about this and trying to decide what to do!

[SandyY2K]

Why did he need to lie to everyone about it though. If he just gave you the ring without the lies it wouldn't be a problem.

When lies just roll of his tongue without batting an eyelid, I'd be terribly concerned. What else has he lied to you about?

A symbol of your future and he lied.

I'd be out.... because of the lies and not the ring. He could have picked it up from the floor and not told me, but it's the lying that does the damage.

[DeathByMascara]

I'm confused by your last post. Did he produce the ring at the end of this payment plan and then ask you to contribute? And you knew nothing about this until the cheap ring was produced? But all along he'd been telling people there was a ring?

[Lookatyourwatchnow]

No. Don't marry him OP.

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

This suggests (well, pretty much in flashing neon lights) that you do not know him as well as you think you do.

My sister's gf had married a guy that was doing a maser's degree...come to find out he was spending on drugs and not even enrolled in the school. Deceptions can happen.

Are you going to proceed with the ceremony? I hope not. Start as you mean to go...he is setting the status quo for your relationship. You putting up with it now will just green light a parade of more of the same...or worse. Now is not the time to be a doormat or minimize or give benefits of doubt.

[EssentialHummus]

He also told me that he needed £70 as the last payment for the ring and he loaned it from me!

I'd be worried about where this money is going.