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relationship with husband's family

(10 Posts)
magicboy79 Thu 09-Jun-16 10:54:28

Anyone else have bad relationships with their partners family? My husband's sister and I used to be great friends but since I got preg (before her wedding) she has not been nice to me, I've had two kids since and she's now preg with her second too. Everything she says is attacking and jaggy and opposing to what I'm saying. I would always try to never say anything against her or to annoy her but she seems to have no trouble attacking me constantly. It's very difficult as they are a big family and there are always family gatherings for something.
I also don't think she likes how I don't leave my kids with her mum (we visit twice a week but I don't leave her alone to watch them as she's very scatty and careless) but have no problem her spending time with them if she calls up or me and my husband go to her house with them.
Plus very petty but she never ever likes any pic I put on FB of my kids yet she's always liking another sis in laws pics. I don't bother with face book now but it just felt like she was making a point? I'm confused as to why things are so sour now? I never pass comment on her, she can do what she wants and bring her kids up the way she wants yet anything normal I do or say is attacked

Joysmum Thu 09-Jun-16 10:57:34

This is an issue because you're placing more importance on her than she is deserving of.

Be polite but distant. Quite worrying about what she thinks or dies as you're wasting your time.

magicboy79 Thu 09-Jun-16 11:02:08

I felt it was important as we see them so much I hate it being awkward and I hate having issues with people when I don't know the reason why, but yeah you are right I guess I should just not worry a thing about it, too sensitive I guess !!

Joysmum Thu 09-Jun-16 11:05:51

Isn't is normal to have friendship or family groups where you don't feel so close to certain members of the group despite socialising with them? Eg the partners of friends or friends of your partner that aren't your friends.

It'll only wind you up if you allow it to.

annoyedattheinlaws Sat 11-Jun-16 08:01:51

Hi magic boy, yep the same. No matter what I do it's not good enough. It's so draining to be around them then isn't it? I always feel like DH and I are doing the right thing always as well. Eg one of them has been quite ill, we feel obliged to get in contact. In the past we would have visited but now we'll just keep it to a text or a phone call if that. Am sick of 'giving' all the time. I try and keep my distance but as you say circumstances sometimes dictate that you can't.

I think joy is giving good advice but it's not always as simple as she is making out. Takes a lot of effort to ignore/ be the bigger person. But that is definitely the thing that will wind them up the most. I've started using sentences like 'I don't know what you are talking about' or 'I don't know what you mean' shrugging shoulders and then walking away when something ridiculous is being said or I am being put down. Turning it around on the them and making them feel foolish. It seems to be working. In the past I used to cry (in private) / get very upset. Now I couldn't really give a toss. Now it is just about getting through the time I am with them. I don't bring it home with me and dwell on it. I've said to DH it's his family so he can keep as much contact as he wishes but in actual fact they have behaved so badly, he doesn't want /feel the need to have much to do with them either.

magicboy79 Sat 11-Jun-16 09:03:12

It's because we all live within a few minutes of each other and their mum is always organising things involving all of us and you don't want to turn them down all the time, as I am mindful it's my husband's family and I'd be annoyed if he stopped me seeing mine, but he knows how rude his sis is. I guess she always was I just didn't see it and felt we were quite friendly, then when we get married I became a family member she could be rude to rather than a friend anymore.
I know if I spoke to the sister the way she spoke to me she'd be so hurt. As they say, you can choose your friends but not your family. Always trying to keep my distance now but then don't want them saying I'm keeping my husband from his family and how they never see him anymore. If he sees his parents and the siblings he wants that's all I care about at the end of the day

SandyY2K Sat 11-Jun-16 09:30:37

Personally I'd give her a wife birth or I'd try getting her alone (coffee shop) and asking if you've done anything to offend her, as she's changed her manner towards you and you have no idea why.

Do it in a calm manner without loosing your temper.

Hissy Sat 11-Jun-16 12:09:54

Stop allowing her to be so rude! Call her out on it!

Ask her why she says what says and say that you think it's unacceptable and rude. She sounds jealous.

Tell her that neither one of you are going anywhere so the choice is to get on with it or stay the hell away. Sniping at you isn't going to happen anymore, you're bored of it and will just swerve the lot of them and spend time with people who don't bitch at you.

Hissy Sat 11-Jun-16 12:10:29

And in a cool, neutral matter of fact tone.

Gide Sat 11-Jun-16 13:07:56

Next time she's rude, ask her 'Why are you so rude?' When she does the expected bluster of 'I'm not being rude, I'm just saying......' bollocks, quietly insist that she is being rude, there's no need and she does this a lot. Be quietly insistent, don't let it descend into any kind of row or get shouty.

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