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how do i get a divorce in these circs?

(20 Posts)
AprilSkies44 Wed 08-Jun-16 13:11:43

dh and split up 18 months ago. thats when i left the marital home anyway. its very amicable. we are still friends. will be 2 years in Jan.

i havent looked into divorce but its time i should. just want the quickest, cheapest, easiest way to do it.

where do i start please?

Scottysmum2008 Wed 08-Jun-16 13:18:50

Hi

I did a google and found this which may be a way to make a start: -

www.gov.uk/divorce/overview

There looks to be information on what to do and how to do it.

It's great that you guys made an amicable split, but finalising that may still be emotional smile

hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Jun-16 14:14:58

Is the marital home owned or rented?
Do you have kids?
That will make a difference.

AprilSkies44 Wed 08-Jun-16 14:22:23

the marital home is owned but im happy for him to keep that.

kids are adults now.

AprilSkies44 Wed 08-Jun-16 14:26:27

hes keeping house because dd has gone back to live with dad after uni. i have new dp and we have no need to go for any of the equity in mine. im happy for him to keep the house and always was. it was me who left.

the only reason im looking at getting on with it is im pg so probably time to sort it properly.

JellyBean31 Wed 08-Jun-16 14:39:19

I'm in a similar situation (although no new dp and not pg) I have read that there are only 3 reasons for divorce

1. Adultery
2. Unreasonable behaviour
3. 2yrs separation

If both parties want to get divorced you can do either 1 other 2 at anytime as long as they agree.

But (as in my case) 1 side doesn't want to agree to the divorce then the following applies

1. The adultery has to be the reason the marriage broke down

2. The unreasonable behaviour has to be within the previous 6 months any longer ago than this and it is deemed to have been accepted as reasonable.

So I am forced to wait until my 2 years are up.... Only 4 months to go now!

JellyBean31 Wed 08-Jun-16 14:40:18

If both parties are in agreement, you can download the forms and do it yourself for a boutique £500 I think

Northumberlandlass Wed 08-Jun-16 14:42:11

I'm pretty much in this situation. We are legally separated & have financial closure of the marriage. Our two years separated will be on New Years Day 2017.
We will have a chat about it then & proceed ourselves without a solicitor & split cost. It doesn't make much difference who petitions who for divorce in this case, it would probably take about 6 months to go through.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Jun-16 14:43:30

Are you sure your DP will not ever meet anyone and leave the equity to their DP rather than your DC???
You need to think long term here.
Why don't you want the equity?
Did you have an affair?
That equity could be your DC inheritance!

grobagsforever Wed 08-Jun-16 14:45:20

OP please stop and think. It sounds like you are about to put yourself on an extremely vulnerable position. Pregnant from a relatively new partner with no stake in a new property? Where's your financial security if it all goes wrong? Do you have own income which you will retain once baby is born? Does DP own a home? I may have this all wrong but it sounds like you are putting yourself at risk.

grobagsforever Wed 08-Jun-16 14:46:45

And what hellsbells said re protecting your current DC

AprilSkies44 Thu 09-Jun-16 01:53:12

i am protecting my current dc by letting dh keep the hosue - it will go to them when we die.

im not at risk. im quite happy with what im doing and im doing this for my dc benefit. if i keep a stake in this house then i am not free to move on and nor is dh. the only way id get any equity is if i forced the sale and even then my pension is worth more than half the house so i wouldnt get anything anyway. im independent financially and earn more than dh, also have a pension which he doesnt.
this way my dd keeps a secure roof over her head and so does dh. im happy with my decision.

summerainbow Thu 09-Jun-16 03:24:15

You need to sort pensions. As well. So maybe your share in house will cover this . Are you on the mortgage? Can he take over does earn enough to take over. If he does not then you will have sell.are there depti
Google and do diy divorce.
Then get advice
Then go mediation if your ex has not been abusive.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 09-Jun-16 05:09:10

Ftr there are five grounds for divorce:

Adultery
Unreasonable behaviour
Desertion
Two years' separation with consent
Five years' separation without consent

From what you've said, you have the option of waiting until January 2017 before filing for divorce citing 2 years' separation if both of you consent to divorce, or your h can divorce you for desertion after 2 years if you choose not to consent.

Alternatively, your h could proceed to divorce you now citing your adultery or either of you can seek to divorce the other citing unreasonable behaviour.

You can file for divorce using Scotty's link www.gov.uk/divorce/file-for-divorce - court fees are currently £550.

However, I would urge you to consult a solicitor with a view to securing your share of the equity in the marital home for your dd as it may be a gamechanger if your stbxh remarries.

As it currently stands, should a spouse die intestate (without a will) the husband, wife, or civil partner keeps all of the assets (including property) up to £250,000 and all of the deceased's personal possessions whatever their value.

In addition the husband/wife/civil partner gets an absolute interest in half of the remainder with the other half being divided equally between the surviving children (or their issue if they are deceased).

Presumably your h will be making a will in your dd's favour, but if he should remarry and fail to make adequate provision for his wife she may have a claim on the estate to the value of that set out above.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Thu 09-Jun-16 05:36:25

If your assets and earnings are greater than your husband's you may have to give him more than the house. It's probably worth consulting a solicitor.

EverFallenInLoveWithSomeone Thu 09-Jun-16 07:11:29

Just beware, my parents made a similar decision. My dad walked away from the house and allowed my mother to keep it on the understanding that he didn't need the equity from it (started again with a new woman) and to appease his guilt from having an affair.

My dad had worked and solely paid for the house for the duration of the marriage.

The understanding was that my dad would leave nothing of his 'new' life to my sibling and me, because we were already going to receive a whole house that he had paid for, and he left his entire estate to his new wife and children.

However, it was never put in writing and my mother has reneged on that agreement and made it clear that she will not be leaving the house or any of her estate to my sibling or me either. Her position is that if he can leave his whole estate to his new family then so can she.

The main difference being that my dad remarried and had a new family with someone he was ultimately with for as long as he was with my mother and who contributed to the relationship/family financially or otherwise, as in any relationship. And my mother rewrote her Will many times over the years to favour whichever feckless wastrel she had taken up with at the time. We can no longer have contact with her because of the man she is currently with. The house is currently being left to him.

I know that it's not a child's right to their parents assets once they die, but if you intend for that house to be your children's inheritance, then make sure you do something to protect that and don't assume that he will act in the way you would want him to 20 years down the line.

That is all.

EverFallenInLoveWithSomeone Thu 09-Jun-16 07:14:28

Just to clarify, neither of my parents were wealthy, but they owned their houses outright and had reasonable savings. Neither of them intended for my sibling and myself to receive nothing when they died, but that is what has happened/will happen because people's lives/feelings/opinions/priorities change..

Not. A. Bean.

mummytime Thu 09-Jun-16 07:41:44

I would also advise you to protect your financial interest in the house - if only for your children. It should be a pretty simple legal process to get a document allowing your ex to remain in the house, but to retain your financial interest and leave it to be shared among your children.

littlemonkey5 Thu 09-Jun-16 09:53:11

slightly aside from the OP but running on the thread, it is advisable from my experience, to only leave cash assets when it comes to property.

My DH is one of 3 can you see where this is heading? and his Dad passed away just over 4 years ago.
He was a lovely man unlike my * of a MIL and thought that by leaving his 3 kids a joint will, he was being fair. Unfortunately my SIL and BIL are not nice and fair take after their mum and have dictated to DH what he can and can't do with the assets, even though prior to FIL's death, he had sole use and the other 2 were never bothered.
Now, we are tied into a 3 way share of a building only we use, that they visit to check on what we are doing there (it is a 90m storage shed). We also have shared use of DH's trailer because FIL mistakenly added it onto the will.

We've learnt a lesson and we're instructing our children to sell everything (unless there is something specifically assigned to each of them) so they can then spend the money on what they want. I am 100% sure that 5 adults won't want to live in 1 house in florida wink with their families! lol

grobagsforever Fri 10-Jun-16 10:52:49

I'm glad you're happy with your choice OP. I wish you all the very best, I really do. However - please do your sums and check you could afford a home for you and your new DC should your relationship fail. You are pregnant by a pretty new partner and not protected by marriage. You may earn well but is it well enough to cover full time childcare and rent?

I'd get a divorce and marry new DP as fast ad humanly possible if I were you. I get that you are in live but things change. Congratulations on your pregnancy - I really do wish you the very best.

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