I've finally done it

[biddleyboo]

Some hand holding needed. I've been with a man I love the bones of for just short of a year. But he is really not good for me. I'm an anxious shell of the person I was. I'm ashamed of myself every day I look in the mirror.
But tonight I have deleted his number. I'm sobbing like a teenage girl, but that little bit of the old me is just loud enough to hear. It's the right thing to do, I know it won't get any better. And I know I will feel worse before I feel better. But I've made the first step.
Just wanted to write it down. Make it more real.

[TrollTheRespawnJeremy]

Well done :)

This time next year you will wonder what you were so upset about

[FriendofBill]

Look at baggagereclaim.co.uk to keep your strength up.

You are looking st things sanely and well, even though it hurts.

It's no

[biddleyboo]

Thanks Troll my sister said the same thing.

[FriendofBill]

Damn!

'It's not good for me, I'm moving on'

Simple and brilliant

[biddleyboo]

FriendofBill I'll have a look at that site, I KNOW I'll need all the strength I can get. He is a narcissist so will come back at some point. His ego will dictate it, but I can't let him.
I've just read through the sticky link at the top of the page. I'm guessing I'll read it a few more times before this things through.

I've thought many a time about posting on here about the lies and the cheating, the gaslighting, the forehead slapping () but I always bottled it. However I've read enough threads to know, if I told you all just a tiny fraction you would scream LTB unanimously

[Resilience16]

Biddley, let me say a big big well done to you for having the courage to walk away. I know it's bloody hard and I know it hurts like hell, but believe me it will start to feel better.
NC is the way to go. Don't let him worm his way back in (and I've no doubt he will try). The easiest way is just not to engage.
Writing it down does make it more real. It also comes in handy when those rose tinted specs come out and you start missing the good times. Regardless how good the good times might have been, you deserve more than hanging on to the occasional crumb of happiness thrown your way in the hope will will cancel out all the shit in a relationship.Bin there, dun that!
It is horrible realising and admitting you are in an abusive relationship. And I know that sometimes when you are on the inside it is hard to see how bad things really are, as the abuse becomes your normality.
Now you have walked away you may look back and think how/why did I put up with that for so long? Be kind to yourself here tho, the important thing is the penny eventually dropped and you escaped.
So once again well done you. Consider doing the Freedom course (either in a local group or online),so you can identify and avoid abusive relationships in the future.
Onwards and upwards x

[biddleyboo]

Thanks Resilience, great name, I need some of that myself. I need to make my head talk to my heart. I'm ok today, day 1, if I can do one day I can do two. If I can do two I can do three....

[loobyloo1234]

You will be fine biddley ... stay being brave. The hard part is done.

I truly believe, sometimes, it takes a much stronger person to walk away, than it does to stay