We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
   
2. Develop a thick skin.
   
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
   
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
   
5. Trust your gut instinct.
   
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
   
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
   
8. If it's not fun, stop.
   
9. Loo update is mandatory.
   

10. No dating the thread.
11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will.
12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now)
13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.
14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

[tanyadm]

Aye, crap title but I'm knackered.

[ohchristnotagain]

Thanks Tanya.

Think I need to work on points 2 and 3 of the list.

I text first date back saying I'm free tomorrow. He hasn't text back yet. I know I need to get over my need for immediate replies but really is it that hard? Is it me with the problem here? I'm kicking myself for replying straight away. Should have left it until morning grrr

[Help201602]

Marking my spot :) ohchristnotagain I think if he's not bothering to reply instantly, you need to play him at his own game, don't know if I could be bothered lol it would dishearten me x

[ohchristnotagain]

Yeah I hate all the game playing. It seems so silly. He still hasn't replied and I want to go to sleep! I know I won't be able to as I'll keep checking.

I need to get a life.

[SlowComfortableShrew]

Checking in

[whatam1doing]

Had a quiet weekend here tinder proving an interesting platform plenty of matches and conversations 2 very hopeful ones.

christ don't beat yourself up you've replied leave it and go to bed. Sometimes I now reply straight away other times I leave it a few hours depending on how I feel. I wish I'd found this thread a few months ago then I wouldn't have gotten quite so badly hurt by one of my first OLD dates. Anyway lesson learnt onwards.

[HandyWoman]

tanya you diamond

Placemarking. In a Twix Drought. He is lost to 15hr days including weekends, not many texts, no idea when I'll see him.

I shall live vicariously via you all...

[tanyadm]

OhChrist, we have all at some point failed at points 2 and 3. In fact, all the rules have evolved from previous posters' experiences. So don't worry, I was beating myself up last week about messing CM around, I felt like I was using him, then a friend pointed out that dating is a huge learning curve after you've been in a long-term relationship, especially as the nature of dating has changed a fair bit since I was last single.

Anyway, just sent CM a long, soul-baring message, hoping to convince him how genuinely I feel about him. Did it deliberately tonight because I know he's out mixing tracks with his band, so I had time to think about what I was saying without him reading it in real time!

[Lilacpink40]

I joined a few weeks ago, but haven't updated as hoped RL man was interested (seemed to be flirting). This Fri I saw him leaving with a colleague from his office. Could be innocent but he's free to date and I haven't developed thick enough skin so feel pretty low about it. Anyone have advice on how to toughen up?

[ohchristnotagain]

Lilac - I'm looking for the same advice! Horrible feeling isn't it?

Well first date has text back and we're meeting again tomorrow...

And I can finally get to sleep.

Thanks everyone. This thread is a revelation!

[tanyadm]

No advice, Lilac, just that it takes time, and helps to distract yourself by looking for potential replacements to stop you getting hung up on this one.

[Lilacpink40]

Tany I was wondering about joining a website for distraction - I think everyone on here said Tinder is the less stressful site?

OhChrist it is a horrible feeling and I feel so daft as nothing actually happened between us. I actually cried when I got home and I'm normally a direct strong person. I need to get a grip!

[tanyadm]

Yep, Tinder is best because you can't see who has viewed you or when people are online, so no angsting over all that. And you can only chat with mutual matches, so no time wasters messaging you.

[CarrotMuncher]

Place marking!

I've been single for about 6 months now and just started 'dating' and tinder... But I find it very stressful (another one whose no good at 2/3) so I like the idea of a thread!!

[whatam1doing]

I agree tinder is the best for not causing stress. You can't see who's online you cat see whose viewed your profile or seen you messages. But equally I've found some of the guys only contact you late at night and want to talk dirty straightaway.

[LostQueen]

Place marking :)

[tanyadm]

So CM and I ended up chatting late last night after my soppy message... He is going to delete his dating account, and talked about how much he cares about me and wants to give us a proper shot. Think this thing got real.... 😊

[ohchristnotagain]

Oh Lilac you never know who that person was he was walking put with, could be totally innocent. Get yourself on tinder! I might bite the bullet and join you! You lot are selling it to me (except the dirty talking...I assume there's a block button?!)

[ohchristnotagain]

Tanya!!

[ohchristnotagain]

On the subject of texting (again, sorry). First date guy didn't reply to my goodnight text. That's just rude, right??? I clearly have texting ishoos

[tanyadm]

Quite a lot of men are just not that great at text/messaging communication, so I think to protect yourself, you might have to lower your expectations on that front! Where you going for your date?

Welcome Carrot. I was a newbie to the thread back in December, dating is super stressful and I have found the support of people here so valuable!

[Lilacpink40]

Is it possible to go on Tinder just to have a look? I think I need to go slowly!
Block button for men just looking for shag weirdos would be useful?!

[tanyadm]

You can only message people where you have liked them and they have liked you. If they turn out horrible, it's easy to unmatch and they can't rematch you. Easy to delete account too, so worth going on for a browse.

[Lilacpink40]

Thanks Tany I'm going to have a look, sorry to ask probably obvious questions but will I have to post photo and fill in details?
I'm just not sure if I want replies yet, or just to be distracted and to start thinking about dating.

[tanyadm]

It pulls your details from Facebook, but does not post to Facebook so don't worry about that.