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Not sure how I feel

(8 Posts)
enidblytonfan Mon 06-Jun-16 21:28:13

Basically H had an emotional affair which I found out about in April. He never met her as she's in another country and I'm fairly certain it's over.

Where I am now is that the whole mess has made me realise that I'm not actually that happy in our marriage and now I'm not sure what to do.

Basically I don't ever feel that he will ever be totally trustworthy again as previous to the EA he used to fib about insignificant stuff anyway.

I actually don't care whether he's still in contact with his ow.

I don't like the way he speaks to me sometime. I feel he can be quite horrible for example I asked why are you getting annoyed and he said because you're annoying ! Maybe this was me being over sensitive but I've thought before I didn't like how he speaks sometimes.

He never makes any effort with my family, I think he's seen my mum and dad once this year and they only live a few miles away. To be fair he doesn't really bothered with his own family either but sees them more because he has to.

Whenever something comes up that he didn't want to do he's suddenly "ill".

I'm worried that if I do leave, I'll just be swapping one set of problems for another!

Most of the time things are OK until something else crops up!

Do I just put up with it cos it's not that bad?

Or do I leave and maybe be happier or more sad? Just don't know. Help!

Stupendouslyshit Mon 06-Jun-16 21:41:04

Leave.

Think about your alternatives now, draw up a sensible plan.

I put up with similar and he left me for someone else in the end.

My life is no harder on my own apart from the practicalities of doing everything myself. The freedom I have is amazing and life feels full of promise most of the time.

You sound very unhappy and you deserve better.

Be brave OP.

Resilience16 Mon 06-Jun-16 22:53:06

Life is too short to be with someone who is horrible to you. Yes it is scary making the decision to walk away, but look at your options. Things are unlikely to improve between you, he may have another affair, you feel you can't trust him and you are not happy.
Isolating you from your friends and family are red flags too in terms of emotional abuse..
Only you can decide what you are willing to put up with. Is "most of the time it's ok" enough for you? You deserve better

enidblytonfan Tue 07-Jun-16 12:05:00

Anyone else with similar experience?

Maybenot321 Tue 07-Jun-16 12:39:02

Do you have any children together? That would make a huge difference I would have thought. Although having said that, the fact that you don't care about whether or not he is still in contact with OW, would suggest you don't love him anymore.

enidblytonfan Tue 07-Jun-16 13:49:28

No children. Just so confused.

Jan45 Tue 07-Jun-16 13:52:35

So you don't trust him, suspect he may cheat again and he speaks to you with contempt, what's confusing, you should clearly get rid.

0dfod Tue 07-Jun-16 14:02:42

I could not be with someone who lies, lying is my line in the sand. On top of trust issues you do not feel that you love him, so why would you stay with someone that you don't love?

Op some time on your own, finding yourself again and being happy in your own skin will be qualities that would help you find someone who will love you, want to spend time with your family and friends, respect you and so on.

Ditch this 'man' and forge your own path.

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