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Any point calling WA? Don't really need anything from them

(204 Posts)
UpDownUpDownandaweebitannoying Sun 05-Jun-16 22:35:49

I think I have exhausted MN help. And worse than that I have been relying in it too much. I have had a bad day. I am lonely and i can't do this alone.

I have been told to call WA before. I never have because talking to a real person is terrifying, anonymous online chat is ok. But also because I don't need practical help. There is a break up plan in progress. Just not a swift one.

i have up and down days and I keep losing my resolve, doubting myself. I just need someone to lean on. Will calling WA help?

coco1810 Sun 05-Jun-16 22:42:35

I have no experience but sending support flowers

JustAddMagic Sun 05-Jun-16 22:48:15

I found them really helpful. You have nothing to lose by calling them. You dont have to give them your name if you'd rather remain anonymous.
Sorry you're having a hard time.

lougle Sun 05-Jun-16 22:58:20

If calling WA will give you a real voice that tells you that you don't have to live the easy you are living, even if you can't practically achieve that for some time yet, that's got to be worth hearing, hasn't it? That you're worth more than this? That even on the up days (which don't sound far up, tbh) you deserve more?

If it helps at all, from one stranger to another, you're worth more than this and when you're ready, there will be a new way forward for you. flowers

goddessofsmallthings Sun 05-Jun-16 23:02:33

The more protracted your "break up plan" is, the more chance there is of you wobbling never putting it into practice.

Find your nearest Women's Aid service here www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ and give them a call tomorrow with a view to discovering whether you can break up sooner rather than later - it will be in the best interests of any dc you may have if you end the situation that is causing misery asap.

UpDownUpDownandaweebitannoying Sun 05-Jun-16 23:23:07

Probably Goddess but it is what it is. To be sure, will they be happy just to talk if I don't want help or advice with planning/breaking up sooner? Or is it a practical support service? I don't want to waste their time.

FV45 Sun 05-Jun-16 23:31:42

I have called the Samaritans twice when I've just wanted to talk.

They are wonderful. You could try them first and see how you go.

TBH I have not found WA that helpful for me. I think they must be amazing for women who need to flee straight away or who need help on how to do so. I don't fit in that category, though they were kind and I felt cared for. I did find the process quite frustrating at times, I think because they are (sadly) very stretched.

FV45 Sun 05-Jun-16 23:33:17

Although WA have my details I have also called them a couple of times anonymously just to talk.
They have calmed me down.

Good luck OP.

goddessofsmallthings Mon 06-Jun-16 00:25:40

There are certain situations that can only be described as "it is what it is" because human intervention cannot change them.

Your situation is entirely different as it's within your power to change it, but as it seems you want to "lean on" someone who tells you what you want to hear I doubt that WA can meet your needs in the longer term and more especially as, from what little you've said here, I suspect that your "break up plan" may encompass years of needless misery before you make a positive difference to your life, and the lives of any dc you may have.

UpDownUpDownandaweebitannoying Mon 06-Jun-16 02:36:52

Sorry Goddess if "it is what it is" was a dismissive answer. The plan has me moving this summer. It's a very real plan - house purchase, some work to be done. I can't speed it up as I am very reliant on DH for this part. So when I said it's not a swift one it is just that every day feels long - so several weeks feels long.

I have really really listened to advice. I didn't mean I'd exhausted MN because I'm ignoring advice. More that I'm doing it, but I still feel awful and yes, every other day, I "wobble" about what I'm doing and just want encouragement.

goddessofsmallthings Mon 06-Jun-16 05:17:01

It seems i owe you an apology for erroneously assuming that you were some considerable way off making the break when, in fact, your plan is well in hand, OP.

All I can say in mitigation is that, as far as I'm aware, I haven't read any of your earlier posts and have responded purely on the basis of what you've written here and, pursuant to your last post, I suggest that you use this thread for encouragement as you are so very close to achieving your aim.

Would it help to look on this time, which may seem interminable but is in fact merely a matter of weeks, as a rite of passage; a frustrating but necessary period that can only add to the depth of your self-knowledge and strengthen your resilience for any future trials and tribulations where a speedy resolution is not possible?

'No gain without pain' could be the mantra that keeps you steady when you are beset by the wobbles and I have no doubt that others who've been where you are now will rally to the cause of cheering you on until you've crossed the finish line, and beyond while you adjust to your new and greatly improved 'normal'.

'Feel the fear and do it anyway' also comes to mind as this a time for you to have faith in yourself and know that, whatever comes to pass, you will succeed in realsing your goal and become invincible stronger for it.

Relax! You've reached a point where all you have to do is KOKO and it will happen as surely as night follows day, or vice versa as the case may be smile

UpDownUpDownandaweebitannoying Mon 06-Jun-16 06:21:10

Thank you goddess.
I understand, you can't possibly know more than is here. I worry about privacy and my thread has been in a different bit of MN, but I think I've worn out a couple of very lovely (totally amazing) MNers.
Thanks for the kind encouragement - just what I needed. You are absolutely right, I need to find a different way of thinking about this period. And yes, I will be so much stronger if I can get through this.

UpDownUpDownandaweebitannoying Mon 06-Jun-16 07:24:09

And forgot to say thank you FV45, lougle JustAddMagic and Coco. Kind words help when sleep isn't happening.
I think I will call WA because as lougle says, maybe a real voice giving validation will help me be stronger.

UpDownUpDownandaweebitannoying Tue 07-Jun-16 13:21:14

Moment of clarity, a revelation really.....just had to share. smile

I MATTER. What I think matters. What I want matters. What I DON'T want matters. What I care about matters. My happiness matters. You get the gist!

One day soon, I will be able to do what I want, think what I want, feel what I want.

And get a good night's fucking sleep!!!

No doubt I will need to remind myself of this again but right now it feels good.

lougle Tue 07-Jun-16 13:24:34

You do matter smile

UpDownUpDownandaweebitannoying Tue 07-Jun-16 14:15:25

Thank you. Maybe when this is over I will stop feeling the need to tell MN how I feel on a daily basis! blush smile

Resilience16 Tue 07-Jun-16 15:44:02

Yes you do matter my dear. As someone else mentioned you can ring (or email)the Samaritans if you need someone to talk to. You don't have to be suicidal, they are happy for you to contact them just to vent, if that's what you need.
Onwards and upwards x

UpDownUpDownandaweebitannoying Tue 07-Jun-16 17:30:57

Thank you Resilience. I've emailed the Samaritans the last couple of nights and it has helped a lot.

FV45 Wed 08-Jun-16 08:07:49

flowers

UpDownUpDownandaweebitannoying Wed 08-Jun-16 08:55:30

I felt a bit sheepish after that post. blush And it was a somewhat short-lived "high". But it's all steps along the way.

AnotherEmma Wed 08-Jun-16 09:11:47

"I still feel awful and yes, every other day, I "wobble" about what I'm doing and just want encouragement."

That sounds totally normal to me. You've done brilliantly to formulate a plan to leave soon. But you also need emotional support. You could call the Women's Aid helpline but also see if your local Women's Aid has counselling or other support services available. Depending where you live, there might be a women's charity or centre that offers counselling. For example in London there's the Women's Therapy Centre and the Women and Girls Network.

Online support is great but IMO you can't beat face-to-face to help you feel a bit better.

Do you have a close friend or anyone else you can talk to about this in real life?

Resilience16 Wed 08-Jun-16 09:12:26

There's gonna be highs and there's gonna be lows.And we are going to be here for you . Onwards and upwards x

mummytime Wed 08-Jun-16 09:12:43

The fact there was a high - is something to celebrate.

No one wakes up one day totally transformed, but being able to take one step truly forward shows there is hope.

And yes you do matter!

UpDownUpDownandaweebitannoying Wed 08-Jun-16 11:52:43

I have been in contact with my mum and friends recently. No one lives nearby but it has helped. I am very careful what I say though as he's my children's father and will continue to be part of our lives.

I guess MN is a bit addictive.
But it also stops everything overwhelming me I think.

I have started making local friends and I have an appointment for counselling next week. So building RL support.

AnotherEmma Wed 08-Jun-16 16:42:30

All sounds positive, keep up the good work.
But you don't have to protect him from the opinions of anyone - father or your children or not.

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