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I need an eloquent article on emotional abuse for friend

(9 Posts)
MildlyattractiveBetty Sun 05-Jun-16 21:41:39

A friend of mine has been in an emotionally abusive relationship for over 10 years and recently she's been trying to leave. He swears at her, drinks to the point where he passes out and wets himself, tells her he doesn't love her and wants to fuck other women. She thinks I'm being dramatic when I tell her that it's abuse and she needs to speak to someone, I really want to help her understand what he's doing to her because she seems to slowly be detaching from the seriousness of it and I'm scared she'll stay with him.

I know there's nothing I can do to help her other than be there for her but she tends to take things in when she reads them, so if any of you have any good articles on ea I can send her I'd really appreciate it, thanks.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 05-Jun-16 22:20:50

Buy your friend a copy of 'Why Does He Do That' by Lundy Bancroft - excerpts here: www.the-ripple-effect.info/pdf/isitreallyabuse.pdf

throwingpebbles Sun 05-Jun-16 22:23:44

Could she get to a GP to discuss? Mine was really clued up about emotional abuse and supported me as I left and in the aftermath (it impacted on my mental health)

Having GP support also ensures there is good evidence if challenged in the future (ex-H now uses court system and other ways to try and continue to get at me)

tribpot Sun 05-Jun-16 22:27:35

This article by Lauren Laverne might help?

MildlyattractiveBetty Sun 05-Jun-16 22:42:36

Thanks for those. I think I will buy her the Bancroft book although I'm not sure how I'd get it to her as they live together.

Interesting throwing she said earlier he threatened that if she left their almost 2yo dc would be staying with him and he would murder any man who she thought about being with afterwards. I asked if she had any of that in messages and she said no he just screams these things at her when he's drunk.

tribpot I love that article but she's starting to minimise again and I think if she read it she'd not believe it. She was going to leave tomorrow but she's backtracking now.

I wish I could do something more, she thinks he won't be abusive to their dc who can't talk yet and I tried to say he probably would at some point. I think she's been there so long she's forgotten what a real relationship is like and become accustomed to the constant circle of drama and trying to save him v him verbally abusing her.

Resilience16 Wed 08-Jun-16 22:32:34

I picked up a card for Refuge the other day and in the back it reads-If you are forced to alter your behaviour because you are frightened if your partner's reaction, you are being abused.
Pretty succinct and to the point I thought.

MildlyattractiveBetty Thu 09-Jun-16 07:23:34

I'm not sure she is changing her behaviour though. She is still living with an alcoholic who screams obscenities in her face.

She's changed her mind again and is now staying and covering up his behaviour. That isn't a criticism, I know how hard it is and will still be here for her.

FrancisdeSales Fri 10-Jun-16 13:39:21

Has she tried Al-Anon? A support organization for the family and friends of problem drinkers? With their support she might be able to leave because they have so much experience of knowing what is like to be in a relationship with an alcoholic. They may be able to help her with her own denial and minimisation.

MildlyattractiveBetty Fri 10-Jun-16 15:14:48

Actually she was speaking about al-anon when we last met! She is considering it so will see if she mentions it again and encourage it as a good idea. I don't want her to think I'm trying to tell her what's going on in her own life so will wait for the right moment!

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