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ex-doctor patient professional relationship...

(8 Posts)
IceBeing Mon 30-May-16 11:28:42

This is going to be dull but I could use some advice...

While I was receiving treatment over the course of a couple of years, my therapist and I began to discuss more abstract theoretical stuff and wondered if we might collaborate professionally. This was obviously not followed up on during treatment but when that finished the conversation began again.

There was an idea of bringing some ideas from my field of interest together with his...and also maybe me contributing some patient experiences to a book he is writing.

So the problem is that I don't know if he actually wants to pursue this venture. When he emails me he sounds very enthusiastic but it always takes him weeks and weeks to reply - which hints quite strongly that he doesn't.

I have attempted to indicate that it's fine if none of this pans out...but he keeps responding that we should definitely do something - but with huge time lags, and never getting as far as setting a date to meet up.

Are there people out there who actually want to maintain a working relationship who don't return emails for weeks on end? Or have I been extremely slow at understanding that this is a dead end?

If its dead...how do I actually declare it dead...or is there no need? Do I just not reply to the next email whenever it turns up?

Somerville Mon 30-May-16 12:02:57

Don't send any more emails and don't reply.

If he does want to 'pursue the venture' and doesn't get back to you for weeks then he's disorganised, in which case you shouldn't collaborate with him anyway.

I wonder if there would be ethical issues, anyway. But that's beside the point at this stage.

goddessofsmallthings Mon 30-May-16 12:08:30

It sounds to me as if he hasn't got time to follow through any notion he may have of writing a book and I would suggest you confine your response to any further emails to "please let me know when you're free to meet up" which will continually put the ball in his court where it belongs.

If you rely on this guy to get the ball rolling the chances are another author will have written an equivalent, or very similar, tome before your mutual 'venture' gets off the ground.

If the subject is of particular interest to you why not look for another professional/other professionals with whom you can collaborate, or use the material/ideas you have to write your own book and solicit contributions from others?

IceBeing Mon 30-May-16 13:35:31

ahh you are confirming my doubts. I really wanted to get something out of it a sort of giving something back...but you are right in that I could potentially try another route.

I certainly couldn't go it alone though.

Thanks for your thoughts!

IceBeing Sat 04-Jun-16 15:26:47

so now I have another email expressing definite interest but no specifics again...do I really just blank - or say no explicitly?

EcclefechanTart Sat 04-Jun-16 16:05:24

Could you not just ask him? I can't really imagine having built up a relationship with a therapist over the course of years and still not being able to say "you are taking a long time to reply to me on this, and being a bit vague - is it that you don't have time right at the moment, or are you not keen on the idea any more?"

Doinmummy Sat 04-Jun-16 16:10:10

I'd send one last reply along the lines of ' I'm still interested but am aware that you're busy , so will leave it to you to let me know when you'd like to meet ' .

IceBeing Sat 04-Jun-16 20:59:34

Yes, I could certainly just ask. I just don't think he will necessarily tell the truth in response. I mean if I say "are you sure you are up for this" and I get back (after a month) "yeah yeah totes!" then I am not really going to be convinced...

All of which further points out that I know the real answer already. <sighs>

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