There are some issues surrounding ILs. PILs are generally good GPs and I trust them to have my DC without issue. We've bumped up against each other, but generally we rub along ok. They do have history of putting their wishes ahead of the DC at times but never in an endangering way.
But when BIL and wife come to town, and for a short while after, its a completely different story. Suddenly our DC aren't good enough, there's questioning on my (yes, just my) parenting despite the fact DC behave better for me and DH than for them , DC are blamed for upsetting BIL and wife.
It came to a head with DH after Christmas, even he was at his DMs assertion that our DC had made BIL ill nothing to do with copious amounts of red wine being drunk and him literally swinging the DC around of course. DH promised me we would manage any larger family situation so a repeat would never happen again. We've been aware of an impending visit so we've had many chats about appropriate boundaries with all the ILs, very short visits, avoiding visits at trigger times for DD, etc. All agreed, all fine.
Then MIL calls. We've been allocated a time slot at a time she knows is bad for us. DH says yes instantly, I straight away shout 'NO its not OK'. MIL starts whining at DH about it being the only time BIL can make (they're down for a week) and it'll be ok because its the school holidays and we don't have to stay more than a few hours. DH looks at me whilst I'm shaking my head and says 'yes Mum, no problems'. Basically rather than explain to his DM why their attitude when BIL is around is not acceptable and despite it likely causing DD a complete meltdown that will impact on DS, he just can't say no to her.
We've spent the last few days arguing. I've told him how upset I am that he is yet again putting MILs wishes over what is best for our DC, and that there are other options available to see them at times that suit everyone better. He agrees with me, but then constantly gives in to MIL (and she's not overly whiny TBF, he just rolls over).
In this situation I've told DH that its not happening and he either rearranges it or I will, and I won't hold back in telling them precisely why we need controls in place at these times. Nor do I care if they get upset by it. Now I feel like the only way I'm going to get anyone to put the DCs first is by being a mega bitch. How the hell do I get DH to learn to say no to his DM?
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Relationships
I have a DH problem, how do I deal with it?
StrictlyMumDancing · 30/05/2016 09:59
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