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AIBU? Falling out with a very old friend...

3 replies

RubyD · 29/05/2016 22:57

I don't have a wide circle of friends, I have never run with a big group and have always had just a few close friends so a recent cooling off with my oldest friend has really upset me. I don't think she realises at all so am hoping for some advice as I am actually feeling like a moody teenager and not a 40 year old rational woman. My oldest friend and I are very different, I am overly organised, my worst fear is being unprepared for a situation and she is the complete opposite but that was fine until I invited her to work with me on a work project that I had created over the last 5 years. Shorter story is that I have recently decided to leave the job as I couldn't work with her any more. There were quite a few big mistakes made and I was supposed to be managing the project but as she is my best friend, she was taking me questioning her personally. It was my nightmare way to work and horribly stressful so I decided I had to leave which I feel quite resentful of, although in hindsight it has allowed me to pursue my true passion which is yoga and i have started my teacher training so that is a good result really. But now she has taken up yoga and has 'joked' about also training to be a teacher. I post a pic of me and my kids on the mat and she follows it up with a pic of hers, with the same mat and using similar language. I realise yoga isn't mine alone and it is really good she is enjoying it with her children but I feel almost like she is taking over everything in my life. Any fb post I make she comments on, or people who I know who she doesn't she starts to comment on their posts on my page so they become her friends too. I am writing this and really hating that I am feeling like this as she has been a good friend for over 20 years. But I feel claustrophobic now and just don't want to be in contact with her at the moment, which is a tad dramatic. I don't want to push everyone away from me but I am feeling like the child not invited to a party somehow. I chose to leave my job, she didn't make me so why am I feeling so bitter about it all? Ugh, sorry for being ridiculous and hope someone out there has some good advice for me to get over this.

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Pico2 · 29/05/2016 23:06

Can you make FB so she can't see what you post?

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pippistrelle · 30/05/2016 07:28

Sounds like she is just getting on your wick. It happens. It might mean the friendship has run its course, or it might just mean it could benefit from a bit of a break. And, to be honest, it sounds like she might benefit from a bit of time to find her own interests in life rather than co-opting yours. The problem with social media is that it doesn't really allow for that. Maybe you could step away from Facebook for a couple of weeks just to see if you could get her to break the commenting habit, and give you the opportunity to see how you feel after a bit of a break? Away from social media, how often do you currently see or talk to her?

The alternatives are the more dramatic talk which would possibly mean the end of your friendship in an unpleasant way. But the sounds like overkill at this stage.

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RubyD · 30/05/2016 07:33

Thanks guys, I have unfollowed her account so at least I don't have to see any more of her posts but not sure I can do it the other way around, at least not without being really obvious! She is very definitely getting on my wick Pippistrelle. :)

A break is a good idea, we used to be in touch every day when working together but not it has been about 2 weeks since we've even texted. though she has been FB commenting of course. Hopefully I will better about it as time goes on. Thank you for your comments.