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Please help me - I don't want sex anymore

(5 Posts)
Justmeagain78 Sun 29-May-16 15:42:19

I have been married for ten years to a lovely lovely man and we have a four year old child together. He is my best friend but since having our child, I have found myself constantly feeling exhausted, fed up and highly unattractive. So the idea of sex is just daunting and I've avoided it for months and months at a time.

Our child has very challenging behaviour and we get several meltdowns a day so I feel stressed and inadequate. I've had to take a job at my child's pre-school because we are up to our ears in debt and as childcare is not an option I need a job where I can take my child with me but I hate the job. I love the children but it's such a challenging environment to work in and I have to do so much studying for it too. I feel so overwhelmed a lot of the time and sometimes the smallest thing feels like too much. When I look in the mirror I see an old, overweight, unattractive thing and the thought of being touched makes me freeze.

I haven't really ever been mad about sex, I could happily live without it but I've always been able to go along with it and sometimes enjoy it but now I can't face it. My husband has said he doesn't feel loved because of it. I feel hurt by this as I show him a million ways how much I love him every day, why does it all have to be about sex? Still he's a man with needs and of course he's going to feel rejected. I hate myself for making him feel like that but I can't seem to give him what he wants. I start the day with good intentions but by the end of the day when we are finally alone, I'm shattered and can barely keep my eyes open.

How do I get better and save my marriage?

ElspethFlashman Sun 29-May-16 15:46:36

So what do you want?

Do you want to have a sex life?

Or do you NOT want to have a sex life and for your husband to be happy to agree to that?

Justmeagain78 Sun 29-May-16 15:50:27

I want him to be happy which means having a sex life again.

purpleviolet1 Sun 29-May-16 15:54:34

I would start with small things - being more intimate without going the whole way. Could you maybe put a bit of money aside (not a huge amount) and buy a couple of new outfits /lingerie to feel more sexy, or perhaps a few basic items of makeup? Sometimes something as simple as a few tiny changes can make you feel more confident. As for the weight would you consider doing something like the 5:2 diet? It's really doable and not difficult to incorporate into daily life. Have a read of the op.

5:2 Thread number 63: 7 days without chocolate makes one weak ! On 5:2 you only diet 2 days a week.
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/fasting_diet/2620275-5-2-Thread-number-63-7-days-without-chocolate-makes-one-weak-On-5-2-you-only-diet-2-days-a-week

As for the job not sure there is anything that can be done but maybe once you feel better about yourself in other areas you will have more confidence to find something more suitable. Your dc will be starting school soon (next year?) which will make things easier.

Not much to say except this time won't stay forever.

A visit to the gp might be a good idea as well, you might be suffering from low iron or something which can be is easily fixed and lift your mood tremendously. It's horrible feeling under the weather all the time.

HappiestMummyAlive Sun 29-May-16 16:01:34

why does it all have to be about sex?

I believe sex is a big part of a relationship, I'm sorry that you don't feel good within yourself and your image, I'm sure he still finds you attractive and that's the main thing smile perhaps you should try going to the gym or dieting if you're feeling self conscious about yourself, it will help a lot!

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