My brother is an alcoholic/drug addict

[ammature]

My brother is an alcoholic and I think probably a drug addiction. Growing up he smolked weed in our family home, my mum preferred his doing it at home then outside. He was 7 years older then me and I witnessed a lot of drug taking.

20 years on he's in his late 30s and has just gotten his partner pregnant. They planned for the baby but I think his partner is having regrets. Her daughter (from another man) told my sister that my brother drinks and argues with her mom and she kicked him out. My heard is broken for the child, and now he's bringing new life into the world.

Since I've heard he's having this baby I feel really really upset about his behaviour. I'm worried about drugs and alcohol in the home. He seems to go on benders and stay out all might. He seems unable to stop himself. Yesterday he attended my nieces confirmation and was well behaved but after dropping his girlfriend home about 9-10pm.he went out for an hour. He came home at 11am this morning. He also drink drives.

He took cocaine at my wedding and made a show of me during my speech and offered cocaine to friends of my husband. I stopped talking to him after that. There is story after story of him fucking up. He also looks dreadful.

How can I help him? My sister and I are finally using the alcaholic word and ive suggested that we have some kind of an intervention. I live in the UK and they are in Ireland but I'm there next month and we are talking about what to do. Can anyone give me any advise on how to deal with this.

[goddessofsmallthings]

You are not your brother's keeper and there's nothing you can, or should, do to intervene unless and until your db asks for your advice/help.

Although you may term it 'intervention' others, including your db, may well see what are no doubt good intentions on your part and those of your dsis as being more akin interference, and more particularly as you have not spoken to him since you fell out over his behaviour at your wedding.

With regard to your forthcoming trip I suggest you keep your own counsel unless you are expressly asked to voice your opnion of your db's behaviour/appearance by those such as your dm/his dp and others who are on the spot, so to speak, and who will inevitably have to deal with the fallout if your 'intervention' goes down like a lead balloon or is the cause of a family rift.

At pushing 40 your db is old enough, and ugly enough as my dgm would say, to conduct his life as he sees fit and while you may not consider it fitting for a man of his age, and a father-to-be to boot, to fuck his life up in such a destructive manner, it's his call and his choice to do so.

However, having concern for other road users including pedestrians, I wouldn't hesitate to clandestinely dob your db in by calling the police if it was evident that he was drink/drug driving at any time as it could be that being caught in the act may give him a much needed wake up call and bring about an intervention by professionals who are better placed to insist that he seeks treatment for his addictions.

[ammature]

My husband agrees. Sadly dm is dead and df is disabled (intellectually) so it's down to ds and me. I have spoken to him since my wedding but I've stopped making an effort so to speak. Do you think I should speak to his partner? She is smoking whilst pregnant too which is upsetting for my sister and I. Have thought about reporting him for drink driving to police many times but I know he would leave his family rightly screwed then I feel so confused.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Unless you are on particularly good terms with his partner I doubt that any conversation with her will bring about a change in your db, or prevent her smoking while pg, and imo you're best advised to stand back and avoid involving yourself in their relationship until such time as either/both of them come to you for advice.

I appreciate that you may have a very long wait but wading in with judgypants on, which is no doubt how it may seem to them, is unlikely to result in a productive outcome and will most probably end in permanent estrangement

With regard to reporting your db for drink driving at a time when you know he is driving while under the influence, while it may "leave his family rightly screwed" should he be apprehended, they won't be anywhere near as screwed as the family, or families, of any adults and/or children who sustain serious injury or worse through your db's callous disregard for other road users.

Every action we take causes a reaction but, neverthless, I wouldn't want to be in a position where I reproach myself for inaction when a phone call may have prevented others coming to harm and for that reason I would have no hestitation whatsoever in reporting him to the police.

[ammature]

Thanks for the advise. I feel I will have it on my conscience if I don't speak to him about it and I'm now considering a letter rather then a confrontation. I don't want to take the approach that I just have a go at him but more ask if he feels his behaviour is affecting his life. It's only today really that I've admitted to myself that he had a problem. Does he have a problem? What defines one as an alcoholic. I guess I can just see that he can't seem to stop himself and that to me is a serious problem. It's so sad. He looks like crap and I'm worried about the new baby who is innocent. I will think about reporting him if I witness him drink driving but I doubt I will be around him much to see. I'm not on good enough terms with his partner but my sister is.