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DH invites MIL to everything!!!

(13 Posts)
RosieandJim89 Sun 29-May-16 11:00:06

Just a rant really. DH is a great husband and father but this is really frustrating now.
We are planning to go on holiday soon. Our last as a family of three. So what does DH do? Invites his mum! I get on with her fine but that doesn't mean I want to spend a week with her! And more to the point - he didn't ask me first. As it turns out his dad is now coming so I feel better about it and it transpires that DH knew if he invited her she would pay for it which she has (almost) said she will.
Today we spoke about going to some garden near us that only open 3/4 days a year. I go for a shower and when I get out he announces that his mum is coming. He does this all the time! I asked if he was trying to avoid spending time just us and why he always has to invite his mum and just said "I thought she would like it". I wouldn't mind half as much if he at least asked me first!
I just wondering how to approach this now with him without sounding like I hate his mum which really isn't the case. It is just that we get at best 6 good days a month to spend as a family unit and it is frustrating when he does this.
P.s his mum is not a lonely old women, she is late 50's, still works, has friends etc and he sees her at least once a week and speaks to her 3-4 times a week.

Buggers Sun 29-May-16 11:02:42

That sounds dreadful! Is he an only child?! Next time you arrange a day out invite your parents too, see how he reacts grin

Costacoffeeplease Sun 29-May-16 11:02:51

So he asks her without consulting you, and he invites her on holiday hoping she'll pay for everything?

What kind of twat is he?

SpaceDinosaur Sun 29-May-16 11:06:15

It's wonderful that you have a good relationship with your inlaws.

But your husband is being unreasonable. What has he said when you try and have a conversation with him about him always inviting his mother? You get on with her so he'll understand that it's not because you don't like her, but even if that wasn't the case, having a spare wheel at every family moment would drive me insane

fuzzywuzzy Sun 29-May-16 11:11:24

Either you prefix everything with please do not invite your mother along I want time alone with you.

Or as a pp suggested invite your DM to something he's really looking forward to.

Sit down and ask him why he does it.

Must say I thought his response; she'll pay for the holiday, is pretty horrible. On holiday I suggest you announce your husband will pay for everything, his treat as he invited everyone.

SeaCabbage Sun 29-May-16 11:14:33

Just ask him not to do it! Doesn't mean that you hate his mother - he must see that you get along day to day.

I'm sure a chat would sort it out. YANBU.

happypoobum Sun 29-May-16 11:29:12

YANBU but it sounds as though you don't have a voice in your relationship.

XH did this to me, until I made him call MIL back and say no, sorry, she couldn't come, we just wanted some family time alone.

Is he a pathetic mummys boy, or is it about her paying? Either way it isn't very attractive is it?

MissBattleaxe Sun 29-May-16 11:32:41

I think he sounds like a thoughtful son who is still close to his mother and there's nothing wrong with that. However if it's making you unhappy, he does need to consult with you more and differentiate between "just us" family time and "invite parents" family time,

notonyurjellybellynelly Sun 29-May-16 12:28:46

OP, im not sure if I've understood correctly or not so are you saying your husband invited his mum cos he knew she would pay for herself or everyone?

AlwaysDancing1234 Sun 29-May-16 12:32:05

I sympathise as DH does this. We think of visiting a seaside resort, he tells in laws and next thing we know they are coming too, and BIL & SIL and their kids....
Be honest with your DH, you like in laws and they can come to some hi ha but you also need time just you.

penguinplease Sun 29-May-16 12:33:22

If he's invited her out with you today don't go. Let him go alone with her. Do that as much as possible.
Sounds awful. I'd hate it

Costacoffeeplease Sun 29-May-16 12:35:58

I think he sounds like a thoughtful son who is still close to his mother and there's nothing wrong with that.

Except he asks her on holiday so she'll pay - really thoughtful confused

RaeSkywalker Sun 29-May-16 12:42:02

It's pretty awful that he invited her to things so she'll pay shock maybe say you want to treat her to the holiday, it might put him off asking again!

Is this being driven by your DH or MIL? My MIL used to give DH loads of grief if we did anything without her, so he invited her to everything. We nipped that one in the bud early on!

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