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Unplanned 3rd baby. Scared of recurring PND

(5 Posts)
Gingeete Sun 29-May-16 07:11:37

Stupidly I have fallen pregnant by mistake.
My first child has additional needs and is challenging and requires more input than an average child.
My second child is just 1 year old. She is lovely however I suffered terribly from post natal depression and I really feel like I have only just got over that. It impacted our whole family and I look back horrified at what I became while I was ill with it. I really was very unwell.
Currently we are happy, enjoying life and had decided that we would not have any more children. We have made plans around us being a family of 4 and we were finally where we wanted to be as a family. And then a positive pregnancy test occurred.
I can see positives to having another child but the fear of PND and the impact of it on my children petrified me. I had a termination in my late teens which was the right decision but it was difficult to get over.
Has anyone any advice or story to share which can offer me comfort or help to make a decision.
I know I have been stupid but any views appreciated.

Newjobwoes Sun 29-May-16 07:36:45

Firstly, stop beating yourself up!! You're not stupid at all.

You have choices, but only you can make them.

Whatever you decide, I wish you luck.
flowers

swingofthings Sun 29-May-16 07:46:08

I really struggle with my first child, just because she had some undiagnosed health issues and was just an incredibly demanding baby (even her childminder said she adored her but found her exceptionally hard work), so the idea of another was the last thing on my mind, until my partner convinced me when she was 18 months old, things were slightly easier, and more importantly, everyone told me that second babies were always easier.

So I decided to go for it, almost principally because I didn't want DD to be an only child. The first 10 days were fine and then colic got him too as it had DD. It was hell and I do remember sobbing my heart out and feeling an overwhelming thought that I wished he'd never been born, grieving the fact that we had finally found some level of stability with DD and that we were right back to where I was.

Despite these feelings, I did feel a strong love for him and I guess that's what got me through it. I took it day by day and waited for the time it would get better. It took 5 months.

He is now 13yo and I can't imagine my life without him. The thought that I once actually felt regret at giving birth to him seems surreal. Yes, my recollection of this time is fretted with stress, not the great memories that most mums seem to have, but I certainly know I did the right thing.

As newjob said, only you can make that decision though.

ConcreteUnderpants Sun 29-May-16 12:29:24

Agree with PP's. It is your decision.
However, I have to say I've not long had my 3rd and am suffering from depression (normal not PND) and the help I received throughout my pregnancy was great. It was so much better than when I had my second child. I didn't bond at all with the baby in utero (obviously feel hideously guilty about that now) and went through stages of not wanting her either. Everyone was fantastic and understanding. No one ever gave me the impression I was a bad mother, indeed all the emphasis was on me and my mental health. A happy mom = a happy baby I guess.
What I am saying is think about it. Go and see what support there is available locally from your mental health midwives, peri natal team etc.
Whatever you decide will be the right decision.

Gingeete Mon 30-May-16 18:40:36

Thank you. Still in a total quandary

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