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feeling so sad and empty.

(4 Posts)
twirlypoo Sat 28-May-16 22:41:13

I have had many threads about my family on here (mostly under my old name) but basically my mum looks after adults with learning difficulties. There's no social services involvement as they fell off the edge of the services. They have mental ages of about 10ish but know what they are doing - are quite manipulative / sharp. Thy have lives with my family for over 20 years.

One of them has temper tantrum type things and last year and hit both me and my toddler son. I called the police as she trapped us in the room and to be honest I was shitting myself (she is big and was out of control)

I live next door to my mum, and popped in today to help her with some jobs. The lady (Sarah for ease sake - not real name) got cross because she had to stop colouring in to do one of her chores, and started hitting my mum. I intervened (well, I said "hey! Stop that") and she hit me too. This went on for about 15 mins. We persuaded her to go up to her room and she threw stuff down the stairs at us. My son was in the garden but came into the room to see what the noise was, and so Sarah flew down the stairs and picked something up and hit him with it.

Ds started screaming, I called police picked him up and went into the garden. Ds is fine but was so upset and confused as Sarah is his friend, he kept saying she hit you mummy, she hit me. Did she hit X? Did she hit Grandma? Why is she cross? Etc etc.

There's so much to this thst I just don't know where to begin. My mum told me I was wrong to call the police last year, and that I had over reacted. She felt it was an example of me attention seeking. I was sexually abused as a teenager and she said the same at the time pretty much (that I was attention seeking / she found it hard to believe / incidents were exaggerated by me she felt) so it is bringing that back.

I feel like my mum didn't protect me as a child, and now I haven't protected DS because this has now happened twice to him. I feel sick by this. Physically sick. I don't know how to change this though? I can't move for so many reasons, my mum is already minimising. I don't want to stop him seeing them as he loves them, but I need to keep him safe.

The police have made a social services referral because I told them my mum had lost control and needed help and she agreed. Other than that though Sarah is carrying on life as normal - my mums said she won't be punishing her and that once she had had a cuddle she was okay.

This keeps happening though. Sarah loses her temper all the time, over different things that you just can't predict (when she hit me and Ds the first time it was because my mum had gone to the corner shop and not said goodbye to her as she was on the loo) I love my mum but all my life I have been second best to her foster kids. I don't know how to make sense of this. I am just gutted.

coco1810 Sat 28-May-16 23:32:26

No, you were not wrong to call the police last year or on this occasion. This person has assaulted yourself and your son and she should be dealt with accordingly. Whether it be prosecuted or moved into surroundings where she has better support.

I think you know you have to remove your son from contact with this person. Your mom will just have to see your son in your home or surroundings away from her dependants. If she can't agree to that then it is her loss because yours and your son's safety is paramount.

I am so sorry that you didn't get the support you felt you needed when you were abused. Have you received any independent counselling to deal with this?

I just wanted to say, don't beat yourself up. You sound like a wonderful and caring mom x

HeartsofOak Sun 29-May-16 00:04:35

Your ds getting hit and the abuse you suffered are just not comparable and you need to get that clear in your mind. They are not the same at all.

It does sound like your mum is struggling with Sarah and it might be time for the care she is receiving to be reviewed.

Have you told your mum how you feel about being secondary to the foster kids? Are there times you could see her without Sarah around?

twirlypoo Mon 30-May-16 10:11:53

I am struggling today, Ds and I both have bruises all over us and I feel very tearful.

My mum knows how I feel - and to be fair admits it has been like that at times with her foster kids.

She is ignoring anything to do with what happened, I am due back at work tomorrow and I don't want to go. I've emailed Ds nursery school and enrolled him full time (he's 4 - will go full time in sept anyway) I explained what had happened because I don't know if the police report to social services will involve them checking on him. That is next week though after half term and so my mum is due to have Ds for rest of the week. There's no way round this, I have to goto work.

I don't want anything to do with Sarah, but my mum says that stops us being a family as she can't leave her out. Ds saw her in the street yesterday and it was so sad as he was saying to me I hope she says sorry, then he shouted down the street "I am sorry!" And when I explained he hadn't done anything wrong and he didn't need to say sorry he got upset and said he had got muddled.

I know I am babbling on, no one in real life knows. Need to take Ds out and have some fun. I want to run away!

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