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Dh always assumes I am in a bad mood with him

(10 Posts)
Sickofthesickness Sat 28-May-16 08:03:29

I'm a sahm and have had a long, tough, busy week. Was due to go to a family gathering last night but kids were ill so had to cancel. Had to cancel a playdate with a friend today for the same reason. Dh has no other choice but to work long hours atm. So I get very little time to myself.

Yesterday was the day from hell, both kids were ill and clingy so I was literally going from 7am til dh got home at 7pm. I was fed up and too exhausted to speak to him. Explained this to him but he didn't seem to believe me, kept asking if everything else was ok and trying to draw me into conversation (that I was too tired to have). In the end, despite me telling him otherwise, he decided that I was in a bad mood with him. Has gone off to work this morning in a huff.

Am I the only one who is not allowed to be exhausted without being accused of being in a mood with my husband? He always does this, convinces himself that I am mad with him, even when I'm not. He's lovely in every other way, and not immature/insecure/controlling at all. But it drives me mad that I can't even have a little mope without it being made about him.

cheesecadet Sat 28-May-16 11:37:34

I think I'd be like that if I wasn't spoken to when I got home!

pocketsaviour Sat 28-May-16 12:34:27

I think I'd probably be upset too if my partner said they were too tired to speak to me or respond to my asking if they were okay sad

Can you speak to him about it at a time when you're both calm and not tired/stressed and the DC are not around? Can you talk about the support you need from him, and the support he needs from you, and how you can both understand and communicate with each other better?

Chinks123 Sat 28-May-16 12:35:41

I get what you're saying, but if I've been at work all day dying to come home to my family and I get there and they're not speaking I'd be abit upset too.
But I do know what it's like to get to the end of the day and be exhausted. I always try to at least give DP a little hug though.

NoTractorsAtTheTable Sat 28-May-16 12:49:31

We're both grumpy when we get home from work, but we have carved out a little 10 minute "decompression zone" where the kids are put in front of the tv, told to be quiet and we have a cuddle on the couch together. Arms wrapped round each other and a bit of deep breathing. We're normally pretty silent for a few minutes, then one of us will ask about the other's day, listen, and then the other person responds, all in low voices, not much more than a murmur - sounds a little 'woo' but it's really helped us communicate more.

Discussions about mundane things, who's doing what when, do we need to go shopping, moans about work or housework, are saved for later in the evening. After a really shitty day, it's the nicest thing just to have a hug.

Chatarunga Sat 28-May-16 17:20:11

sounds like he has quite a low self esteem

PeppasNanna Sat 28-May-16 17:24:40

Why is it all about him?
I totally understand your perspective. Maybe work out when you can get some time to yourself for a bit of R& R.

Your dp will learn the world doesn't actually revolve around him...!

Arrowfanatic Sat 28-May-16 17:31:27

I'm a sahm too and I get what you mean, sometimes I'm just too exhausted to have a big conversation. I don't ignore him or anything but I kind of just don't want to engage as much if that makes sense.

I usually get DH "are you ok?"
ME "yes, just tired. It's been one hell of a day"
DH "are you sure you're ok? "
ME "honestly yes I'm fine, I'm just exhausted"
DH "Have I done something to annoy you?"
ME "No, look I told you I'm just tired. Haven't stopped today and am looking forward to the kids going to bed so I can collapse"
DH " that's no reason to be in a mood with me!" walks off in a strop

TrashPanda Sat 28-May-16 17:48:51

I totally understand where you're coming from, Dp does that and it drives me crazy and puts me in a bad mood.

Asks if I'm OK. Yes, I say, I'm fine just tired/worn out etc not really up for small talk.
5 minutes later, are you sure you're OK, I repeat myself
5 minutes later, what's wrong you don't look happy. Honestly I say, I'm fine just tired etc
5 minutes later, are you sure you're OK, what's wrong. At which point the answer becomes I was fine until you went on and on at me and now I'm annoyed! It's like he doesn't believe my answer, why would I lie?

I think I'm quite introverted and it exhausts me having to be on all the time.

ThursdayLastWeek Sat 28-May-16 17:52:25

I have days like this too OP. I'm fortunate that DH works from home so that a) he can see how exhausting it is and b) I've usually spoken to him earlier in the say so I can get away with silence grin

Hope if all works out. Not sure what you can do apart from continuing to explain as rationally as possible.

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