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DP beat up my DF..struggling to deal with it.

(167 Posts)
MySordidCakeSecret Thu 26-May-16 18:08:00

This happened a few years ago now but it's just today popped into my head and is extremely upsetting. I don't deserve it because i'm a coward but please be gentle and sensitive.

It was over an argument about money, i didn't see it as i was told to go to the car, then a few minutes later dp came out covered in blood and told me to drive. I was obviously extremely distressed but to my utter shame i didn't go in to see my dad. I can't remember what happened afterwards but for some reason i didn't split with him, if i did he wormed his way back.

I know from what i've been told that DP punched my dad multiple times when he was standing and df sitting who didn't fight back. Police were called but he dropped charges (religious reasons and aspergers if that's relevant)

It sounds like i'm a disgusting person but i love my dad so much. Even after that he has still supported me and always been there if i needed him and now i'm wracked with guilt and don't know what to do.

Pagwatch Thu 26-May-16 18:10:13

What do you want people to say?
It was a terrible thing to do. Are you still with your 'D'P

YoureSoSlyButSoAmI Thu 26-May-16 18:11:42

Yes it does sound disgusting. Your poor dad.

wonderingsoul Thu 26-May-16 18:13:51

How can you not know if you stayed with him or not.... are you still with him.. what was hes reasin for the attack?

Nydj Thu 26-May-16 18:14:21

It was a long time ago. Assuming you are no longer with the same partner, you could, if you think it would help you and your dad, apologise to your dad but you don't need to as I am sure he understands that you were not able to leave your partner at that time. If you are still with the same partner, perhaps call women's aid to talk about the incident and consider why you are still with someone who was violent to someone you love.

Trooperslane Thu 26-May-16 18:14:31

It sounds like some sort of delayed reaction, maybe from the shock.

What an awful thing to go throughout you still with 'd'p?

I can't get my head round what sort of religion would make it ok not to involve police.

emotionsecho Thu 26-May-16 18:15:16

That's awful, and as Pagwatch said what are you expecting/wanting people to say?

I hope you are no longer with your 'd'p.

Arfarfanarf Thu 26-May-16 18:15:43

Are you still with this thug?

Pagwatch Thu 26-May-16 18:15:53

TBH I'm kind of reserving my sympathy for the dad just now.

Jan45 Thu 26-May-16 18:17:29

Assuming he's long gone then at least that is good. Speak to your dad about it, you were perhaps acting out of shock and wanting to get away form the situation, I doubt very much you thought oh fuck him - have you never spoken to your dad about it, that's even more perplexing?

BitOutOfPractice Thu 26-May-16 18:33:09

What do you man, you can't remember what happened afterwards? For how long afterwards?

FeckTheMagicDragon Thu 26-May-16 18:35:16

You can't change what happened or how you reacted. You can change how you deal with and face up to things now. What's your current situation?

FuriousFate Thu 26-May-16 18:35:21

The guy didn't worm his way back in, you chose to continue a relationship with someone who punched your own father until he bled! I don't think this thread can provide you with absolution.

bloodyteenagers Thu 26-May-16 18:36:08

Did you ever split with him?

ZippyNeedsFeeding Thu 26-May-16 18:38:32

I might have misunderstood, but are you still with this man? I actually understand why you would be afraid at the time and not want to risk making him angry again, but I couldn't love a man who was that violent to anybody, never mind my father.

What you need to do is obvious- if you are with this man, get rid of him. Talk to your dad about the whole situation and ask him to help you. Get all the help you need and get into a situation where your dad can feel safe around any future partner you may have.

Goingtobeawesome Thu 26-May-16 18:39:34

I suspect she's still with the violent man and is hoping for some kind of closure that means she can stay with him and not have to apologise to her father.

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf Thu 26-May-16 18:39:37

I am not sure what response you are looking for, OP, but I sincerely hope you are no longer with the thug that beat your father. What he did was vile but it is inexcusable for you to remain with someone who is obviously violent.

Hassled Thu 26-May-16 18:40:58

You still refer to him as DP so I assume you're still with him some years later. And that's the bit I can't get my head around - not that you behaved as you did at the time, which was probably down to shock and fear, but that you're still with him. How can you be?

But - you know your Dad will always be there for you. So he'll be there for you if you leave your DP, if that's where your mind is going.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark Thu 26-May-16 18:42:52

Why has it come into your head now, do you think?

OohMavis Thu 26-May-16 18:43:41

Your poor father.

ScrambledSmegs Thu 26-May-16 18:44:34

Oh god, your poor dad sad

Not surprised you're struggling to deal with your decision to be in a relationship with the man who carried out such a vile attack on your own father.

OohMavis Thu 26-May-16 18:45:41

Is your partner abusive, or violent to you, OP?

MySordidCakeSecret Thu 26-May-16 18:47:15

he's never been violent to me or our dc

MySordidCakeSecret Thu 26-May-16 18:47:55

I'm still with him yes sad it was a petty argument about money worries.

firesidechat Thu 26-May-16 18:48:34

Is your partner abusive, or violent to you, OP?

I know what you are getting at, but does it really matter. Anyone who beat up a sitting, older man is beyond the pale. The fact that it was my dad would have sealed it for me.

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