Quick summary - I'm a widow who has been dating a widower for approx 9 months. Difference being that my marriage was in a very bad place and I now realise I was being emotionally abused for some time. My widower, on the other hand seems to have had a pretty idyllic relationship.
I've posted on a couple of their threads in relation to widow/widower dating and I've generally felt that I am in a pretty good place about the challenges it brings. However, I've just had a major wobble this week and I know I'm being silly but just need to let it out.
We had a lovely weekend and I was feeling very happy all through Monday. Then on Monday night, I took some stuff out of a supermarket carrier bag he'd left behind (things he's lending me), and there was a receipt in the bag. I glanced at it, and saw that amongst the few food items, he'd bought some flowers. Now, I know these would have been to take to the cemetery - the supermarket is very close by. This was a day or two before he saw me.
Now, I know he visits her grave regularly and I totally understand this. I also totally understand that he wants to go regularly and keep flowers looking nice etc. If he did anything less then I wouldn't love him like I do. Also, he doesn't hide the fact he goes - equally, he doesn't tell me every time, but will drop it into the conversation if he's telling me about his day etc.
The thing is, this time, I just feel really thrown. I've experienced this overwhelming feeling of sadness and what I can only describe as pain. I've suddenly felt really upset at the thought he will never bring me flowers - they will always be reserved for his late wife. It'll be something he does for her that won't apply to me. There will always be this person that he loves and will stay in his heart, and even though I am also widowed, I don't have that same experience or feeling. I'm embarrassed even writing this down tbh, as it's totally a heart versus head thing.
I'm not even a flowers and grand gestures type of person. I had too much of that from my late husband who used then as a cover up for other things. It's just that feeling of that part of him that will always be about the 'two of them' which all seems to be so perfect that tears me up sometimes.
I just need to give myself a good talking to, don't I?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
All you lovely people who've commented on recent widow dating/dating a widower threads lately - come and give me a slap as I'm having a wobble!
ladylouanne · 19/05/2016 20:53
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