Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

"He treats/treated me Like A Princess..."

(180 Posts)
LateNightEveningProstitute Thu 19-May-16 07:38:59

What does that even mean?

I see it loads on threads, "he used to treat me like a princess". I don't know what it means.

If I go out with someone, I want them to treat me with respect and be honest with me. I want them to take an interest in me and have a laugh with them.

But I think of Like A Princess and I assume it means "he put me on a pedestal" or "he bought me lots of shiny pretty things" or "he wouldn't let me pay for anything and insisted on making all of the decisions" or "lovebombing" or whatever.

I can't imagine how being treated Like A Princess could ever be a positive! Ever. It's horribly misogynistic and sounds a lot like the sort of man who treats a woman Like A Princess is also the sort who expects a woman to be demure, ladylike, coy, sweet...

Can someone please enlighten me?

Trills Thu 19-May-16 08:01:11

I would not enjoy the thing that I think it means, which is very similar to the thing that you think it means. (pedestal/worshipful/not paying/"treating").

To me it would feel cringey and like we were not in a partnership of equals.

The people who use is and mean it positively will either say

a - it doesn't mean what we think it means
b - it does mean what we think it means but they enjoy that treatment/behaviour

Mov1ngOn Thu 19-May-16 08:05:40

I've wondered this before. I see it on fb along with parents who postbpictures of "my little princess."

NannawifeofBaldr Thu 19-May-16 08:09:21

I tend to automatically deduct 'respect points' from any woman who says this.

Personally I want my partner to treat me with respect, kindness and equality.

Betrayedbutsurvived Thu 19-May-16 08:24:11

My ex used to tell me constantly that he "treated me like a princess" and "spoilt" me. Apparently spoiling me involved taking me to and from work (we worked the same hours, in the same building) and to the supermarket for the family shop. Treating me like a princess meant "allowing" me money for haircuts, and washing the dishes once a week ( did literally nothing else). Of course, if I dared to do something that he didn't like he would withdraw this spoiling and princess treatment as I was " taking the piss". During such periods, when I'd be walking five miles to work in the rain ( not allowed bus fare due to my "piss taking" probably because I'd asked him to wash up for the second time that week or similar crime) a co worker would pick me up, and I'd tell her all about how he spoilt me, and treated me like a princess etc.

Whenever I hear that now, I automatically think, abusive twat.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 19-May-16 08:30:09

sad

Oh dear.

I say DP treats me like a princess. But that's 'cause he puts my happiness above his own - whatever it is that brings me happiness.

firesidechat Thu 19-May-16 08:44:54

It is a bit of a worrying phrase and not least because it's generally not sustainable - "he used to treat me like a princess".

It's not something I would be comfortable with, which is just as well since my husband of 32 years has never treated me like a princess. grin

Personally I prefer a relationship based on respect, compromise and negotiation and I would be concerned if my husband put my happiness before his own every time.

GooodMythicalMorning Thu 19-May-16 08:48:39

I assumed it just meant he looks after her and cares what she thinks. Never thought of it like that before. I wouldnt find it cringy though.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 19-May-16 08:53:06

fireside - it works for us because I always put his happiness before mine! So we balance each other out.

My happiness isn't about "getting my own way" and more often than not DP can look at the bigger picture and see that what I want right there and then is not going to do me any favours in the long run (eg he said no to us having a child together - he was right because my mental health would have suffered).

HootyMc0wlFace Thu 19-May-16 09:10:35

The phrase has always made me cringe.

Dangerouswoman Thu 19-May-16 09:23:29

I hate the phrase. I think it means fuss over, spend money on, probably veering into controlling everything, not letting you be yourself.

I saw an online dating profile last night, 'I am looking for a woman to spoil' and was instantly turned off.

I can't read the 'princessing' threads on style and beauty either.

Pagwatch Thu 19-May-16 09:27:01

I'm sure people have different views of it but in my mind it's infantile. It implies that the big strong guy gives his helpless, dependent woman the occasional treat because, you know, he has testicles.

I don't see it much on here. It's more Jeremy Kyle isn't it?

Slowdecrease Thu 19-May-16 09:29:35

It says to me "susceptible desperate women who are impressed by being spoiled and lovebombed at the start of a relationsjip and surprised when it's not sistainable to the same degree long term . I think they think the men adore them when actually it's the men's basic tried and tested modus operandi - the names change but it stays the same. I think women who allow a man to be a man and chase whilst still having enough self regard to pull her weight in the relationship particularly at the beginning and recripocate are the ones who have the long term respect from their partners.

Pagwatch Thu 19-May-16 09:29:47

I heard a bit of Abi Clancy on the radio yesterday. I had to turn it off in case the sound of her pathetic gibber caused me to lose IQ points.

Ooooh my girl is such a little girlie girlie girl, she changes outfits all the time. My second one likes sport..she's going to be my little tomboy with football and that so maybe Peter will have her...
Fuck off.

expatinscotland Thu 19-May-16 09:29:50

That phrase is a red flag to me.

Shallishanti Thu 19-May-16 09:32:10

I think women would do well to listen to what Betrayedbutsurvived says.
Like other posters I am at a loss as to why anyone would want to be treated like a princess. Perhaps abusive men sense wanting to be treated that way and use is as a way in. Not saying it's the fault of the women AT ALL. But I think it's a massive red flag.

NannawifeofBaldr Thu 19-May-16 09:47:42

women who allow a man to be a man and chase

What?????

confused

fizzyrubbish Thu 19-May-16 09:48:47

eg he said no to us having a child together - he was right because my mental health would have suffered).

Not quite sure what to say to this. Was this his reason and sorry if this is intrusive, was it based upon anything concrete?

My DH and I have mutually agreed that it would not be a good idea to have any more children because I get AND in pregnancy and mild PND. He was really worried in my last pregnancy (though supportive) because in my last one, I did admittedly go a bit bonkers thanks to a combination of difficult circumstances,

But that's a decision we have sat down and thought about/discussed together, both being on the same page. (Namely we both love children, wouldn't abort if another came along but it would be best to avoid for the next few years).

I would baulk and probably leave someone if I wanted children and they said no, because they thought my MH was too fragile. It's not their call to make. But then I come from an EA background and no longer tolerate any nonsense.

AnyFucker Thu 19-May-16 09:50:12

Makes me cringe too. Any man that tried to treat me as anything less than an independent woman with my own opinions would be shown the door.

fizzyrubbish Thu 19-May-16 09:53:22

Sorry, meant to say in pregnancy no 4 I went a bit mental causing concern about no 5, but DH says he is really proud of how I managed to handle it last time. So am I. It's very hard when you have hyper-emesis for 30 weeks. But I would never allow a partner to evaluate my physical and mental health for me and go along with his decision on those grounds.

Maybe I am over-reacting?

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Thu 19-May-16 09:54:00

What AF said.

I'm afraid I do make rather large assumptions about anyone who spout the 'princess' word.

SymphonyofShadows Thu 19-May-16 10:00:32

Red flag for me too. It's on a par with 'keeping yourself nice' which isn't used as much now, thankfully.

redannie118 Thu 19-May-16 10:02:46

I have a bit of a different take on this. My DH and me have a very equal relationship. Mutual love ,respect,kindness and respect for each other. I met him out of a 20 year abusive realtionship and abusive childhood. I was so downtrodden and felt so worthless I couldnt even look someone in the eye.He changed that. He is gentle, attentive and totally respects my social and political views and activly encourage s and supports my life outside our realtionship(eg doing evening classes, going out with friends,family etc) he tells me every day he loves me, he makes me feel beautiful with kind thoughtful compliments when I least expect and is just utterly my best friend.He has also showed my 2 sons what a healthy functioning relationship should look like. For all that for the first time in 43 years I feel loved, respected and worthwhile. He calls me princess and for me I feel like he dies treat me like a princess

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 19-May-16 10:07:38

fizzy - yes he is right. My mental health is fairly precarious at the best of times, the risk of another child having a massively negative impact on DS is too great and that, in the long run, would break my heart. It was all this lovely romantic idea that I had, but reality is not like that. I struggled enough to cope with just DS when he small.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 19-May-16 10:08:43

redannie - that's exactly what happened with me!!!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now