The past few years I have come to realise what a narcissist my mother is. I think she always has been, but as she's gotten older it's gotten worse. I do love her - and there have been some times throughout my life where we've had quite a good relationship so I find this very difficult to deal with. I went through a lot as a child and teenager with nobody to support me. I wasn't protected as I should have been, and I either didn't confide in my parents or did and wasn't believed. But now when things are brought up that happened to me (very rarely - mostly when there has been lots of wine) my mums focus is always how bad it was for her. No thought for the 4/13/17 year old me who actually had to go through it alone.
I'm getting married soon and she's completely disinterested in it presumably because she won't be the main focus. All conversations end back at her new boyfriend (who as it happens she cheated on my dad with). She's met up with my ex friend who enabled me to be raped. No matter what I do or what happiness I find she can never seem to be happy for me. My whole life she convinced me I was fat. I remember crying as a 6 year old because I thought i was too big. We'd go to pick out clothes and she'd say the fabric would cling too much and I shouldn't wear it. When I look back on pictures now I can see that I wasn't fat at all. I am a bit now. I always feel that I have to eat in secret.
This is all very jumbled I know but I'm struggling to make sense of it and what to do from here. Since having my own children I've realised how weird a lot of her actions have been as id never do that to my own DC. She's a good 'nan' but I worry that she's going to run off on them too, always concerned about how she feels an what other people think rather than the little person depending on her.
If anyone has any advice I'd be really grateful.
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How do I deal with a narcissist mother?
10 replies
DelphiBlue · 17/05/2016 17:33
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