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Feeling unappreciated & not sure I made the right call

(4 Posts)
KittySnow86 Sun 15-May-16 20:54:35

Due to health issues I had to leave work a year ago. I committed to being a sahm with the understanding (I thought) of my DH that that would also be a work in progress as I built up my health again. I do also work from home quite successfully but he seems to find it hard to understand the way I earn money at the moment.

What has actually happened is my DH has become more and more prone to nitpicking and criticising what I haven't done. I will admit being a bit short term memory about somethings he asks me not to do but I'm just generally a bit more
Laid back about life and don't think of things as not easily fixed. Today he got back from work and as per as become our norm I had a grunted hello and then a tirade because I'd forgotten to open the second door to workshop where we keep the dryer.

It's also very hard for me to create a show home standard as we've spent four years living in a building site. I'm very enthusiastic to finish it but he always puts it off with the too tired and no money excuse.

After he'd had his lunch I calmly asked if it would be possible to stop the immediate criticism / quizzing me over my ways of doing things and instead try to be pleased to be home with myself and DD. It didn't go down well. I got shouted over and called an idiot and a b***h.

I tried to be patient as we have both just suffered multiple bereavements but this has been going on so long that I ended up saying I needed a break. He refused to leave the house as my family live closer so now he's at home with DD and I'll have to go back early in the am for school run.

Was I right to leave to have a break from each other? I just couldn't take it anymore. I did leave a message to say I would come home to talk but he asked me not to and to leave him alone. That's fine - I appreciate him accepting I needed some space to think through things but he's my DH and I just wish I could find the right words to explain how I want us to be in life together

GettinTrimmer Sun 15-May-16 21:11:52

Hi Kitty, just saw your thread and just wanted to say really feel for you, awful situation, your dh is abusive to you. What's the plan for tomorrow, do you have to go back and do afternoon school run, then leave your dd with him in the evening? When did your dh start behaving like this towards you?

KittySnow86 Sun 15-May-16 21:30:12

We had a period like this four years ago but all had been really well until just before Christmas.

He's going to his parents tomorrow night so I'll be going home but not sure what is plan is afterwards.

I desperately didn't want to be the one to not be at home tonight but know DD will be fine with him.

I worked really hard to be calm today but just feel increasingly resented for my chronic illnesses and ridiculed for my way of doing things. On top of that the trigger for my ill health last year was a bereavement related breakdown. I'm just so exhausted and don't recognise myself anymore. I'm more than happy to acknowledge my own shortcomings but in this instance I can't see how I'm doing anything other than trying my best.

awaitingclarity Sat 21-May-16 22:53:51

I think you may be tired because of how he's treating you. Been there myself. If I could go back I'd ask him why he is so disappointed in you - it may be he resents that he works and you are at home? It's not an excusable reason, but it may be why he's annoyed. I think you did the right thing in leaving to cool things down. Don't let him call you a b**h ever again.

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