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Go or not to go...

(13 Posts)
chinwag06 Fri 13-May-16 04:33:07

My sisters daughter (my niece) is getting married but has not invited my 3 children (14, 12, 9).

My kids love her and they get on well. My kids are on the side of some of the most well behaved and well mannered kids. She says that she doesn't want kids at the wedding, however, my kids are the only kids for consideration, none of her friends have kids. So basically she is saying that MY kids are not invited. She says that my kids can't sit still (boy is she in for a surprise) however, she expected me to take them to the actual wedding but not the reception which is in her mother in-laws back yard. She says that it is costing her a lot however, 3/4 of the costs are being taken care of by both parents. In discussions she has mentioned that my partner was invited, however the invitation does not have any name on it and the envelope only has my name. She has invited other first cousins that don't live in the same city. She has invited people that she has never met before. Other families have assumed their kids (16yo) are invited, but she has not told them NO, she has simply catered for them. I thought we had a good relationship and I have her in my will. Now that she has set me straight on what I mean to her, she will no longer be in my will. Feeling quite offended and sad for my kids as they are an extension of me... and they can't understand why they can't come, which I think is something she needs to explain to them and not me as I have no explanation.

Do I go to the wedding or not?

VimFuego101 Fri 13-May-16 04:40:29

She isn't obliged to explain anything to them. You need to teach them not to expect things - invites, presents, whatever. She is entitled to invite whoever she wants to her wedding.

this is going to turn into another Daily Mail story

HappyJanuary Fri 13-May-16 05:36:45

This is why I buggered off abroad to get married. Entitled whinyarses trying to tell me what I should or shouldn't want on the one day in my whole life that I should be allowed free reign.

I don't know why she doesn't want your kids there. Maybe she wants a grown up atmosphere. Maybe she wants her friends to be able to get drunk or swear freely without worrying about kids watching. Maybe if she invited your kids she'd have to invite lots of others, that would spoil the atmosphere and cost more.

The point is, how on earth can you think it is reasonable to behave as you are? The correct response is to politely accept or decline whilst telling your kids that there's a perfectly good explanation, since she presumably isn't doing it just to upset or antagonise you?

Seeing you outraged on their behalf will do them a disservice as they too will grow up to be entitled whinyarses.

DoreenLethal Fri 13-May-16 05:49:24

She can invite who she wants.

You can decide not to go.

You can also decide who is in your will or not.

Neither is right, or wrong. So go, or dont go - that is your decision.

Costacoffeeplease Fri 13-May-16 05:55:50

She can invite who she wants

You can accept or decline.

We all have free will

You need to explain to your kids, not to expect stuff or they'll grow up selfish, entitled adults who think the world revolves around them

Bluesky23 Fri 13-May-16 06:09:31

Thanks... Point taken.

kittybiscuits Fri 13-May-16 06:19:11

Oh here we go - I'm the Bridezilla and it's all about meeee. You won't get much support on this board OP. Mumsnet loves a Bridezilla. Not me obv. I think she's being ridiculous and you should have a nice day out with your children instead.

pippistrelle Fri 13-May-16 06:28:03

and they can't understand why they can't come, which I think is something she needs to explain to them and not me as I have no explanation.

You do have an explanation: she's said she doesn't want children there. It's just not an explanation you like.

Whocansay Fri 13-May-16 07:23:53

I think you're taking this way too personally!

She's thinking about how to keep costs down. Calm down and talk to her.

TheNaze73 Fri 13-May-16 07:32:14

Her wedding, her choice. End of.

HappyJanuary Sat 14-May-16 12:37:01

kitty, nobody likes bridezillas and a child-free wedding wouldn't be my choice (I went abroad to avoid a different issue) but the fact is that it is ridiculous to feel this upset about someone else's choices, and to model that upset for your kids to boot.

I'm going to a child-free evening reception next month. I'm staying in a different hotel, kids and lovely friend will stay there while I attend, then we're having a nice day out the next day. If that wasn't an option, I'd have politely declined like the normal well-mannered people do.

kittybiscuits Sat 14-May-16 20:57:25

It isn't ridiculous. The children just have not yet learned adult ways of pretending they don't feel upset when someone they are close to makes a decision to leave them out. It's not very nice and they know it's not very nice and we all know it's not very nice but 'she's the bride'.

HappyJanuary Sat 14-May-16 21:27:26

I've yet to meet a bride who banned kids because she wasn't very nice and wanted to upset children. There'll be a reason, guests just won't necessarily know what it is. Most right-thinking parents would present it in a way their kids understood.

And it's ridiculous that a grown woman is angry enough to start cutting people out of wills. When you're planning a wedding there's always at least one absolute tosser that kicks off about some trivial matter. You can't please everyone. It's not bridezilla to say that the bride is actually allowed to have some say over her own wedding, it's not like she's made an outlandish unreasonable demand.

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