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So how do I know I AM ready to start dating.....

(3 Posts)
Foslady Thu 12-May-16 22:50:14

I'm 48 with 2 failed marriages behind me - 2nd abusive, 1st borderline so I'm wary. Was in a very LDR for 7 years with an old friend who announced a month ago that yes he's coming over here to live but wants 'me' time (I'm not going into that one any further but suffice to say the end of his 'me' time wish list was ......'and who knows if I get lucky with the local women.............' so my self esteem is pretty much in the gutter). I've never had a 'date' as such, all 3 were friends or people friends knew, so I lack dating experience. I'm hopeless at flirting and can't figure out if men are single or not on the few occasions I've been out with friends (thought one guy who caught my eye might have been, tried the 'eye contact' thing and after a while one of my mates said she thought he might be interested - and then another woman he obviously knew went up and was chatting so I backed right off).
A couple of friends suggested OLD. I'm no oil painting, but I scrub up ok, and they agreed my profile pic was good. None of the blokes I liked contacted me back, and of the couple that did that I spoke to one came out as misogynistic and racist ('You don't hit a woman - they're not worth it - lol' hmm and the other ignored requests to send a pic of himself (I didn't ask immediately and left it a week between requests) so I did some public domain looking up to find he'd lied about his age and was 20 years older than me and not 10......

So now I'm in the situation where I'm lonely, but really don't think there's a bloke out there for me. The men I've been in relationships with have all ended up taking me for granted (and have admitted it) and I now think that's all men think I'm worth. All I've ever done is treat the men in my life the way how I'd like to be treated - instead they've used it against me when I've pulled them up over it.

So am I ready? I'm fed up to the point of tears of my situation but how do you meet men?

Sorry - this is so bloody depressive

RiceCrispieTreats Fri 13-May-16 02:14:27

I don't think you're ready. It sounds like dating at this stage could cause you a lot of pain.

If you say "I'm lonely, but I don't think there's a bloke out there for me", then you are already approaching dating with a spirit of defeat.

IMO, you'd need to turn that feeling right round, to something like: "I'm fine as I am, but I'm interested in finding someone who'll be a worthwhile partner to me."

What could you do to boost your confidence and self-esteem?

Foslady Fri 13-May-16 07:54:15

I really don't know, I wish I did. It doesn't help that all the blokes I work with who are single and my age only ever comment on the younger girls who work there as if they'd be doing them a favour dating them.........

I really don't know any more. It's as if this is it now. I never envisaged my life would be like this. And I wish my friends would stop saying 'you deserve someone nice', because right now all that does is hammer home to me how crap my relationships have been

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