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Please help me get over mum crush/EA

(4 Posts)
gettingoverit4 Thu 12-May-16 05:16:27

I have this going round and round my head. I am stuck in this EA crush thing with another mum. Our DCs are friends. Our school is pushy and makes big demands on our time with many activities. We see each other at school things and she has invited us to several out of school activities. I am in a break up, she is a single mum. She is troubled and messy and I should never have let my head get involved.

But it did. She kept suggesting things and we felt a bond. She felt it too, a connection. Except that she takes it so far and then she avoids. I think maybe she is scared of her feelings. I keep hearing rumours that she is involved with one of the female teachers, that they walk around hand in hand. They certainly spend a lot of time together, and this makes me jealous. How come she has space for her and not me?

A few times we have come close. Our eyes locked. Prolonged hugs. Touches to arms and face. I am not imagining it, although initially I did ask myself if that was the case. I know I am not. Is this an EA? It has overstepped a mark of sorts. She gets close. But then she avoids. There is no friendship in between the big, emotional meetings.

When we are away during the holidays she becomes attentive again and begs to meet. It's like she is scared of losing me. She must be toying with me, picking me up and dragging me down, enjoying the adoration I give her.

I have to make it stop. It has been nearly two years now. Far too long to be imagining things. How do I get out of this?

I'm sorry. I expect to get a flaming for my DH etc. I am dealing with that separately. But for now, I am stuck in these crazy games.

PPie10 Thu 12-May-16 05:25:43

Oh grow up. hmm

strongsummer Thu 12-May-16 05:45:58

Wanted to offer some hugs OP. It sounds like you want to get out of this but don't know how. There's another thread about EAs somewhere which i have found helpful.

MagicMoonstone Thu 12-May-16 06:45:49

Get out of it!

I have a friend that I feel bound to partly because of the situation she is in with an alcoholic who is a total fuckwit.

I don't quite get what the relationship has turned into between me and her tbh. It was centered on the kids who are the same age. Then she left her hubby and ended up with the knob. I spent a further 5 years on my own.

I met DP 2 years ago almost and the jealousy she has is insane. I don't dare say when we are going out. Holidays have to be played down because she gets depressed that she can't take her kids anywhere and my kids are so lucky. I don't even dare say I'm happy ffs because she will start with how sad she is that our friendship has drifted and how she misses me.

When I told her I was moving in with DP she said she was shocked that id do such a thing and that I had broken her DD (4) heart by moving in (she is also my God daughter) because she wouldn't get to see me anymore (bare in mind I live a 15 minute walk away from her)

I can't walk away from this because I love the kids.... and I know what that dickhead is like. I worry about them and I worry about her.

Basically just get out of it. Release yourself and release your friend. It's not good for anybody.

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