I'm very much in love (possibly limerent) with a difficult man. I have been seeing him on and off for years. He has a lot of amazing qualities and I find him very exciting in all ways - emotionally,sexually and intellectually.
I too am difficult in my own way and I think he is a good fit for me in a personality sense. I feel like he is the other half of my jigsaw piece emotionally.
The problem is that he is hugely intimacy avoidant and doesn't love me. I'm not sure if he has that emotional function. He does like me and is very attracted to me. We have sexual chemistry in mountains. It's on/off because he isn't interested in a long term commitment with anyone.
Most of the time I can cope with his behaviour but from time to time I get overwhelmed with a desire to be with someone who feels about me the way I feel about them. I see "cuddly" couples - tiny gestures of intimacy that mean nothing to most people - like a man putting his arm round his partners shoulders or tucking a strand of hair behind her ear - and long for that myself. Deep down though I know that what I want isn't compatbile with that.
I've tried - PROPERLY tried meeting others - but can't find anyone else who interests me as much or at all.
I know it's not good for me (it is breaking my self esteem down feeling so much love for a man who doesn't care in return) but I know I don't wnat anyone else but him. I'm resigned to this fact and actually the plus side is I get to see someone who makes me feel like I'm flying.
How can I cope with this? ( I know the advice would be cut contact with him but I know I can't do that). How can I learn to tolerate his lack of intimacy without losing myself in the process?
It's a deal with the devil I know (trading true/love reciprocal intimacy for contact with someone who inspires me) but in years and years I've not met someone who makes me feel like this and I don't want to give that up. This may make little sense to people who have never felt that kind of limerent "high".
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
How to cope? Is this an unreasonable bargain with the devil? What to do?
18 replies
Halfapintofshandy · 11/05/2016 23:31
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.