Hi,
First of all, I just want to apologise for the long winded post- I just don't know where I stand in my marriage. There are times I feel like my husband is a bully and controlling and then I question myself and wonder if I'm just imagining it!! I'm really hoping for any sort of advice..
We have been together 10 years now and married 2. He has always had a bad temper but since we got married, I'm feeling more and more trapped and suffocated. We have 2 young children together and I have 2 older children from a previous relationship. He is great with my daughter and our sons, bur he treats my eldest dreadfully! He shouts nd swears at him all the time for nothing, and whenever I defend him (as i always do), he starts yelling at me about favouring my eldest over the rest and being pathetic.
I'm not allowed to go out if it isn't with the littlest 2, or planned weeks ahead. If I do go out then I'm not meant to drink, in case I'm a secret alcoholic (I shoul point out that although he goes every week, he doesn't drink)... I just feel like I'm not allowed a life outside of the house and him. He questions me every time I get a text message, and wants to knw who is texting and what is being said. If I go anywhere then he demands to know where i am going, who I am going with and what time I will be home... He texts and phones constantly while I am out, often as soon as 30 mins after I've left wanting to know where I am and when I will be home! As soon as he finds out I want to go out, he starts moaning and complaining about wanting time with his wife and how he works hard all week, and he should be able to come home to his wife and some attention.
Honestly, there is so much more, for example he is going away next year with his mates and we both stopped smoking recently. We decided to save all the money we would have spent on fags and tobacco for spending money (for him to take away and for me to treat the kids while heis away) I thought it would be split down the middle, but he is getting £200 a month away as he smoked real fags and that is how much it cost, while I get £70 as I smoked tobacco and only spent that!
It's like I'm constantly walking on eggshells around him as I never know what is going to make him lose his temoer again. I must point out that he has never hit me, or threatened to... He has grabbed my eldest round the throat and he shoves him quite a bit... My eldest no longer spends time in the front room with us when my husband is in.
I just feel like we are all living in a pressure cooker and I would really like some advice whether to just hunker down and hope that doubling my dose of antidepressants works and makes life bearable again, or if I'm totally overreacting and this is a normal marriage?? Do husbands shout at their wives a lot? Yesterday he shouted at me for half an hour fo rtaking £3.50 off his desk to pay for my kids bus fare to school, is that normal? Seriously, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing or if its all just me and he's right and I should be grateful to be married?!?!?
Please can someone help, I feel so alone!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Please help!! I'm think mhusband is controlling me!
MrsM42 · 11/05/2016 15:19
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.