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Coping strategies

(10 Posts)
whattheheckisthat Mon 09-May-16 13:32:44

I am mid divorce but still living with my ex and I'm really struggling with it. I filed in September but he refuses to move out and legally there is nothing I can do to get him out. And I guess, why should he? He tells me he is happy with the situation confused but I'm far from happy and it's really starting to affect me. I'm so fed up and exhausted from not sleeping with the stress of it.

I know the obvious answer is to go out more but the whole situation and the way he treated me has robbed me of my self esteem and confidence so other than day to day errands I'd rather stay at home, although I have joined a gym, I haven't been yet.

What makes the whole thing worse is I think he has started seeing someone. So he's basically coming and going as he pleases and is perfectly happy.

How can I cope with this? He says he won't move out until our financial situation is sorted but that could be months away. Honestly I'm such a mess.

pocketsaviour Mon 09-May-16 17:24:32

Have you got separate bedrooms? Do you have DC and if so how old?

Goingtobeawesome Mon 09-May-16 17:26:01

What's making him happy with the situation? Are you doing his washing, cooking his meals etc etc. If so, stop immediately.

whattheheckisthat Mon 09-May-16 17:34:54

Yes we have separate bedrooms. Separate lives. No I don't do any of that at all and yes we have dcs. I'm so fed up its untrue.

whattheheckisthat Mon 09-May-16 17:35:36

Dcs are 8, 6 and 2.

pocketsaviour Mon 09-May-16 17:41:36

As much as possible then I would turn one of the bedrooms into a separate sitting room for one of you (or if you have a dining room, use that.) Just create a space in the house where you can sit on your own or with the DC without having to be physically near him.

whattheheckisthat Mon 09-May-16 17:51:32

Thanks pocket. We are lucky enough to have the space so we already do that. I just get anxiety pains as soon as his key goes in the door. Maybe I'm expecting too much of the situation but it's like a dark cloud is over me that I can't shift. I long for some space and to start afresh.

pocketsaviour Mon 09-May-16 17:55:15

I do know how you feel as I spent 6 months living with my H before I was able to move out. I would come home from work, eat my dinner in the kitchen while helping DS with his homework, then disappear to my tiny cubbyhole where I had my desk and PC while DS watched TV with his dad. Put him in bed, back to my cubbyhole, off to my single bed. It was just about manageable in the short term but I was at breaking point by the time I got out.

pocketsaviour Mon 09-May-16 17:56:06

H would spend the entire evening lying on the settee watching TV and eating biscuits and never gaining any weight, the bastard

whattheheckisthat Mon 09-May-16 17:59:14

That sounds familiar. H does that now. Doesn't lift a finger in the house he is so keen on staying put in. I don't want to live in squalor so I do all the cleaning while he does his own thing. It's like having the worst kind of lodger.

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